When I was called to go on the Race I had no idea what being a backpacker entailed. I didn’t know how to pack, what one looked like, or even how much one should weigh. I had no idea how physically exhausting it is to hike with a backpack on. Now that I’ve been on the field for almost 2 months, I now know these things. Physically it is very difficult to be a backpacker, but have you ever heard of an emotional backpacker?
Before I went on the Race I worked at a boutique. One night my boss and I were talking and she described me as a backpacker. In the moment I had no idea what she meant, but looking back on it now, everything makes sense.
For a long time now I have been a backpacker: a carrier of burdens. Whenever I passed someone who needed their burdens lifted, I would pick up theirs and put them into my bag. I also held onto everyone else’s burdens. I let the expectations of others from my school, my family, and my work weigh me down until I physically could not keep carrying that burden any longer. I tried for so long to continue holding them, to stay above water. I clung to them for dear life because this backpack had become my security blanket, its weigh was a painful comfort. While we were in Costa Rica decided I could not bear it any longer. I was on the Race, living an amazing life in Costa Rica, an absolute dream of mine, but was weighed down by burdens I should have left back in the US, in God’s hands. And so I started praying. Praying for God to take away my burdens, for them to be lifted from my shoulders, and praying for God to help me metaphorically unpack my backpack. I prayed these words constantly. It wasn’t until after I heard this vision that I realized I had been praying the wrong prayers.
The team we stayed with last month had done a listening prayer for us and shared a vision they had from God for our team. The vision was this: all 6 of us had on our big, heavy backpacks. We looked exhausted and worn down and were wandering aimlessly. Until we finally looked up and noticed the giant cross straight ahead of us. My teammates Shelby and Jake headed towards it first, and the rest of us followed. We quickly reached the cross and laid our backpacks down at the foot of the cross.
You see, that’s what God wanted me to do: to take off my backpack: to give the entire thing to Him. Instead I just wanted to empty it, but by emptying it, it meant that it could end up being filled back up. That is why he wanted me to hand over my bag. The whole thing. All my burdens, sin and shame I’ve ever felt, all the pain I’ve ever experienced. He wants to carry it all on His shoulders. God, the best backpacker in the world, wants to pick up my burdens and place them in His bag. Because His job as the best backpacker is to lighten our load.
And so my prayers have changed. I finally set my backpack down at His feet and ask Him to daily carry my backpack because He is far stronger than I am. He is capable and willing to carry my backpack. And every day He answers that prayer. Yes some days it is harder to give Him my bag than others, but every time I do He comes through.
I invite you to spend some time in prayer. What do you have in your backpack?
Mathew 11:28-30
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart,and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
