Ok. Eleven Months. Eleven Countries.
Reality is beginning to sink in. Although I am thrilled for this incredible adventure around the world, I am also terrified. I am not going to see my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, or my dear dear friends for ELEVEN MONTHS. The thought of missing out on a year of my three precious nieces' lives makes me cry instantly. I am going to be living out of a backpack, sleeping in a tent, filthy for most of the time, and facing all sorts of creatures in my living space. Who knows what kind of bug bites, stomach aches, and other fun things I will be faced with. I may be somewhat adventurous, but I would by no means call myself 'outdoorsy.' I can't help but think, "God, I am not made for this. I am not ready for this. I am going to be miserable."
But I know better. Of course I am drawn to the comfort of this cushy, easy life. Of course I don't want to be challenged. Of course I want to be in the same country as my family. However, I am called to do more. I have fought God for quite some time about leaving, but I knew I would have to at some point. In my stronger moments, I have a desire to risk my life for my faith. I have a desire to serve God all over the world so that others can know his name and call him father. Not everyone has that desire. Not everyone hears stories about missionaries living in unimaginable conditions and thinks "I need to do that." That is why I have to go. I am made for this. And even though I do not feel like it at this moment, I am ready for this. God has given me the passion for missions, and I can't just keep saying… "that will be great when I go overseas…someday."
Someday is now. He has been preparing me for this for years. I just didn't know it.
((Sidenote))
It really freaks me out to think about how many people are reading my most inner thoughts on this thing. Many of my teammates seem to be so excited and open about their blogs, (or blags as my dad says 😉 ) but it's so much harder for me. I'm not one to say "Hey! I have something to say! Who wants to hear?" I usually just wait to be asked. In this case, however, I feel like it's important that people know why I am doing this.
Anyway… what I'm trying to get at is that I am inadequate. I could never do this alone. I need help, and lots of it. Please be praying for me. Pray that God prepares my heart for all aspects of this trip. For the heartbreaks, homesickness, any other kind of sickness, bug bites, scary creatures (I don't know why, but I can't get the image of rats out of my head!!), unsafe situations, and everything else in-between. Don't get me wrong. At the same time of all this fear and anxiety– I am SO excited!! I cannot imagine the joy I will find on this trip. I cannot imagine the wonders that I will see! I will make new friendships that will last a lifetime. I will see God work in amazing ways. I will see the world through his eyes. I am thrilled to see how He will transform my life through this experience.
