Most of y’all know I am in the Cayman Islands on a mission trip. I have been thinking about blogging, I was expecting to learn extravagant lessons that would make awesome blogs and stories, but I haven’t felt like I have learned many lessons from Him this week, minus learning to drive on the left side of the road. Ha, how wrong was I? I will start by saying, we don’t realize we have expectations until our expectations aren’t met. The lessons I have learned have exceeded the expectations.
Today, I have been able to have many good conversations with different people. Since I have been on the island, today seems to have been the only day with any deep conversations. I now realize I was expecting to have tons of conversations leading to deep relationships with my teammates, instead of focusing on having tons of conversations with God leading to a deeper relationship with Him.
After training camp, I was definitely on a spiritual mountain. I could see and feel God in almost every situation. I was able to clearly hear the Holy Spirit and listen to His direction. Now, that I don’t feel His presence near me, does that mean He isn’t here? Of course not, I know He is here, but somehow I am not satisfied. I keep wondering why am I not satisfied?
As I prayed this, He showed me I am not satisfied because I think my way is better than His way. I keep having thoughts that if He would show up exactly when I want Him to in the exact way I want Him to, things would be better. I keep praying the same prayer over and over. Guess what, I keep getting the same answer over and over. I sit here and say I don’t feel Him near, but I do. The answer He is giving me just isn’t what I want, so I ignore Him as if He isn’t here. I ignore the answer then try the prayer again as if God’s answer is going to change. As if, He is going to let me do it my way instead of His way. As if my way is better than His way.
Seriously, that is hard to admit, but let’s be real, why else would I have bitter feelings? These feelings are all based around me and what I expect and how I want Him to show up. It is all about me and my timing, but deep down, don’t I know that His word is true? Don't I know that when He says He knows what is best for me, He does? Proverbs 16:9 says the heart of man will plan his way, but the Lord with direct his steps. Do I really believe He is directing my steps? Do I really believe His steps are the best steps for my life? I once heard someone say "good is the biggest enemy to best." I now am starting to understand what that meant. Yes, my way may be good, but His way is BEST.
Romans 8:28 says “and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good [best], for those who are called according to His purpose.” Do I believe that the Bible is God’s word? Do I believe He is telling the truth? Do I believe He has a purpose for this trip? I DO, so where is my faith? If I have faith in Him and truly believe His word is true, then when He says He will work all things out for the good, then I should trust that He will. I know He will.
Luke 9:23 says "if anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me." This was one of the verses that lead me to the World Race and so many other life changes, but once I started the journey did I forget about that verse? Am I really abandoning my own desires daily to follow His plans for me or am I asking Him to come see what I have planned for the day? I want to be used in His plan, not try to use Him in my plan. I want to trust that His way is the best way!
I have no clue what God’s purpose of this trip was, but I know I am learning a lot about Him and a lot about myself. This trip isn’t what I expected, but I guarantee whether I see the purpose of this trip now, years down the road, or on the other side of heaven, it will be worth it. He says His plan is always the best and I trust Him. Although, I can’t see it, something good is happening here on this island, because we are working for Him.
I am trusting that He has a purpose for us coming on this trip. So right now, I am tossing my expectations into the bottom of the ocean, I am admitting that my way is NOT better than His way and I am making a stand to say yes to Him, yes to His direction. I am praying for a change of feelings rather than a change of circumstances. I am going to keep yield to the Holy Spirit’s voice and follow Him instead of following my own desires, so that through the spirit He can do whatever work He has planned for this week, for this year, for my life.
Hope everyone is doing great. Don't forget I always welcome prayer request. I would love to pray for you. Thanks for reading. Love you all!
Liz
