Most of you know this thing called the World Race is weird. In fact that exact characteristic is one of the things that drew me to apply to the race. But let me tell you that my first week on the race was really weird.
My first few days were spent traveling by plane, bus, and taxi and then I had two days in Harare, Zimbabwe with the Jourdens before going to Rusape, Zim. The Jourdens are a missionary family from LA and are planting churches with Generation 1 Iris Ministries. The Jourden’s are an interesting family who rely heavily on the Holy Spirit. I was taking a few minutes of “alone time” and I was begging God to make his presence known to me. Yes, I was begging.
I was feeling left out and forgotten after a few nights of worshipping with the Jourdens. Tongues, uncontrollable laughter, and getting drunk on the Spirit are commonplace and I really wanted in on the party that everyone seemed to be having. It really made me question my closeness to Jesus and wonder why I couldn’t seem to get in on the fun with everyone else. I just wanted to experience Jesus rather than just learn about him. I wanted to tell people Jesus was alive because I met with him on a regular basis rather than just from a passage in scripture. As I was sitting outside the room of worship trying to stop comparing my experience with everyone else’s, Pam Jourden came out and asked what was up. She prayed with me and it was fine but then she said something really weird.
Seriously, it was weird. Are you ready for this?
“Liz, you’re going to think I’m crazy but you have an angel sitting on your left who was given to you the moment you were conceived, like your guardian angel. On the right you have another angel for protection and behind you is this really huge angel of fire with his hand over his mouth. He has a message from heaven he wants to give you but he can’t yet because there is a demon sitting on your shoulders whispering lies in your ear.”
What!? I asked what on earth I was supposed to do with that information and she responded quite plainly that we pray. Obviously.
So we prayed.
So here I am sitting under a canopy of trees in the middle of the Jourden’s front yard, the morning after, and the morning light was giving the leaves a soft glow and the day and yet to get hot. Suddenly a light breeze started rustling the leaves. I sat there quietly, resting, and I began to have a mini-revelation about the presence of God. As I sat there the wind picked up and my hair started blowing in the wind and I realized God was here with me. Here’s what I realized.
Air is everywhere. Without it I would surely die. But sometimes I can feel the wind. Sometimes the wind blows like a gentle breeze and sometimes I find myself in my basement or bathroom because the wind is so strong it becomes dangerous.
I think the same can be said about God’s presence. He is with me everywhere I go because without him I would surely die. But sometimes it feels like a gentle breeze and sometimes he completely destroys me and I die to myself a little more. His love is relentless and dangerously passionate but he is also really gentle and fatherly. I don’t always have to be in a tornado of God’s love for it to be personal and real and meaningful.
Today, about a week after this realization, I was reading through a Psalm and found this:
He rides on the wings of the wind; he makes his messengers winds, his ministers a flaming fire. Psalm 104:3-4
So as of today I am praying for God to let me see these angels he has sent me. God is not a God of waste and I still don’t think I received the message he sent me. While it was really encouraging to know that God’s presence is always with me I will continue to beg for more because the awesome thing about God is that there is always more to be given to his favorite daughter.
Whew. Bring it.
