There is something amazing about women. We have a way of focusing on one (or four) tasks, projects, or deadlines and going into this fierce mode where we will get it done no matter what. This requires resourcefulness, dedication, and strength. Look at any mother in the supermarket for an example of multitasking at its finest.
Because of this ability to focus in on something I’ve had some trouble quieting my mind and stilling my heart for a couple of months. In this whirlwind we call the World Race my mind seems to have followed suit with crazy tornados of thoughts, worries, and experiences so this morning I went for a walk.
I have had a difficult time this month with feelings of being left out because of my appearance. I know, I expected more from me too. I left for the race thinking I would rock the “granola look” or look just plain ridiculous after scouring blog after blog telling me which camping shirt or underwear I should bring. (Not to mention the pictures I saw of current racers on the field.) For the most part that has been fine the past seven months. While I was in Africa any shirt with any skirt would do. In China every article of clothing was worn because it was freezing but so did everyone else.
Then I arrived in Ukraine.
Suddenly I felt like the ugly and fat duckling. I have been at war with feelings of insecurity and "frumpiness" since I walked out of my apartment to the front of classes in heels and dresses. How can I not feel slouchy in my oversized fleece? How do I fit in with my worn in fake Uggs? How can anyone expect me to feel pretty?
I've been read 1 and 2 Timothy this month and as I was walking this morning the Spirit brought 1 Timothy to my mind. (That is one of His jobs you know.)
likewise also women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness–with good works.
The mud on my shoes were hard earned when I went into the jungle to pray for families in the Philippines. I’ve got the scars from mosquito bites to prove it. That paint on my sweatpants came from conquering my fear heights when I painted on the ceiling of a special needs orphanage in China.That small hole in my sweater came from wearing it everyday in the chill of South Africa feeding the hungry and playing with children in poverty. I began to walk with more confidence because no one else on that street had worked like I had for the mud on my shoes.
My beauty is an intense, powerful, enduring, and hard-earned beauty.
My beauty is the beauty only the Lord can give us. This beauty cannot be found in a store or bought with a Platinum Visa card. It’s true that women want to be desired and held as beautiful but lipstick color or shoes are not the focus. I don’t think God condemns having a new pair of boots or a nice dress to go to the ballet but we must understand those do not make us beautiful to Jesus. At home my 20 pairs of shoes were filthy with selfishness, greed and dripping with materialism. Today God showed me that I had adorned myself with good works and there is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed of that. My mind, in all of its woman-ness had begun to fixate on being "beautiful" and desirable rather than the whole point of being here, Jesus.
The funny thing is when you fight on God’s side of the war a stillness and peace begin to trickle into the places where anxiety and fear used to reside.
I’ve been reading The Signature of Jesus by Brennan Manning and I read something yesterday that encapsulated this idea perfectly.
Dominique Voillaume yielded to the center and his life became simple. It had singleness of vision: “All that is not the love of God has no meaning for me.” Much of our activity seems important to us. The six o’clock news is a command performance. An hour at the vanity table is like an audience with the Pope. We can’t say no because these events seem indispensable. But if we “center down” and take our daily agenda into the silent places of the heart with honesty, openness, and willingness, much of our activity loses its importance and inviolability”.
I want to “center down” and always remember what actually important, being loved by Jesus.
So I declare war on earthly ideas of beauty.
To hell with what people say I need to be beautiful. I will not solely chase after what Pinterest or the Kardashians portray as beauty. I will not let what I’m wearing define my worth or place. Let us take back the beauty that God created us to have and stomp out the lie that satan has been hand feeding us from the start. Let women everywhere start standing up for truth that we are beautiful. Let's own it. I will adorn myself with good works.
And the occasional red lip.
