Today I took a Sabbath. I actually rested this Sunday. I went to church in the morning then I stayed in my room all afternoon and listened to worship or sermons or napped. It was completely refreshing and absolutely necessary. It was today that I had a moment or clarity that came to me as I was preparing to take communion.
I’ve spent a good month and a half of my race being unpleasantly discontent. I felt dry during month three because I felt as if my team wouldn’t jump on board with things of the Spirit like they did in the previous months. Month four I was distraught because of team changes and because I had to work with kids with special needs. This month started by me being upset because the bible doesn’t “come alive” to me like it seems to for the rest of my squad. Seriously, what gives?
I have become known for my desperate desire for more of Jesus. I’m so hungry for more of Jesus that often I get worked up about things that others seem to accept just fine. For instance, if I don’t “experience” or “encounter” Jesus during worship for a while I get disappointed. For the longest time I thought something was wrong with me but the first few months on the race I realized that my hunger for God comes FROM God had brings him much glory.
But still it can’t be good to get so flustered about things so where does that leave me?
After my Sabbath I realized that whenever I try to figure things out through my earthly perspective things begin to confusing and overwhelming. Unfortunately I forget to take a moment to be still and refocus to regain my heavenly perspective. My mind gets overwhelmed trying to figure out and balance things like Spiritual gifts, my preferred ministries, relationships, or evaluating my growth.
But I must never ever ever ever forget that I have already received absolutely everything for absolutely nothing. God is completely crazy about me and I have done nothing for it. Until I can rest in this truth nothing in my life will ever satisfy or fulfill me.
While I was sitting with Jesus today I realized how distracted and ungrateful I’ve become. Here I am sitting in a hammock on an island of the Philippines in the middle of a rainstorm on one of the craziest trips imaginable and I’m busy wishing for more. I don’t need anything else ever again to find joy because the God of the universe loves and pursues me.
But just wait because my God doesn’t stop there.
God sending his son to die and take on my punishment for nothing would be enough for anyone to sing praises for all eternity but God’s grace lavishes and heaps even more on us. God loves to give crazy awesome gifts to his kids. It says so in the bible! Check out Luke 11:9-13.
So not only can we have complete assurance of salvation but we also have the promise of the Holy Spirit. Do you even realize what that means for us?! God wants to give us gifts of the spirit, (1 Corinthians 12) and fruits of the spirit, (Galatians 5:16-25) in a measure that we may abound in every good work at all times (2 Cor 9:8)! He pours out his Spirit and his kingdom on us right now.
So my aim is to continue to seek these gifts and fruits but to give thanks and be content in all things. Let’s just say that is much easier said than done.
