I cried tonight. I don't mean a few sniffles and a tear broke lose. I mean I sobbed like a hotmess. You know that girl on your floor in college that would come back drunk at 2am sobbing? Yeah it was kind of like that except it was 8pm and I had not been drinking. I should also tell you that I don't cry often. Crying just makes me so tried. Anger is the easier emotion I usually turn to. I can run or scream sing Kelly Clarkson and I'm good to go. But tonight was no Kelly Clarkson singing night.
Right before I was accepted to the World Race I graduated from college and decided to move back in with Mom and Dad to save on rent. (I was trying to make responsible and mature financial decisions or something) The thing is my parents just moved to Nashville, which is seven hours south what had been my "home". So during my transition from 2am bedtimes to post-grad life I also am transitioning back into being a southern belle. After three lonely and unemployed months it started to get to me. I mean what is God doing?? Doesn't he see the fundraising goals I have for the World Race? Doesn't he care that all my friends live seven hours (or more) away from me? So I did what any rational modern woman would do, I called a friend. After giving him the highlights of my distress he prayed an honest prayer for me. Then I cried. I cried the ugly cry women do when no one is watching. After all of my mascara had been washed from my lashes a verse from my previous small group came to me while I was sitting in the car.
Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll–are they not in your record?- Psalm 56:8
While I do not have enemies plotting to kill me like David did I do trust that my God is a God of purpose. God will use all my broken heart, tears, loneliness, and frustration. When I came home to look up where that verse of found so many other promises from scripture came flooding into my mind, even as I write this.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit; you will not reject a broken and repentant heart O God.–Psalm 51:17
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose…. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:28, 31-32
I trust that my period of suffering now will be used to prepare me for what is to come and to further glorify the King. While knowing my pain has purpose doesn't lessen the sting it sure does give me hope to keep going.
What are some of you favorite scriptures for periods of trails or brokenness?
