Friends, supporters, and blog-stalkers,
Sorry its taken me so long to post a new blog. For some reason, words have failed me lately and I’ve struggled to put them into sentences. I have written several blogs I haven’t posted because as I read them my words came out strange and I wasn’t sure they conveyed what I meant to say. So, I’m sorry.
This is probably one of my last blogs on this website, because it seems the seasons are changing and its time to move on. I will be blogging on another website, and will tell you where as soon as its ready. For now, I just wanted to take some time to let you in on where I’m at and where I believe I’m headed.
Where I am: I’ve been in a tough season for awhile. I’ve been in the “wilderness” (like the Israelites and like Jesus) for almost two years now (I’m praying it doesn’t last 40 years!). What being in the wilderness means is that everything is hard. Relationships are hard. Work is hard. Finances are hard. I know to some degree these things will always be hard, but this has been a season where they have been especially so.
Most of you can probably guess that missionary life is no cakewalk… We lived in the dirt. Sometimes we lacked running water. We had no privacy. I got peed on by probably a dozen children. I ate things I’d rather not look at. I witnessed things that shouldn’t exist. I left people in unacceptable circumstances. These are all hard things.
What has been harder, surprisingly (and probably selfishly), is the return home. It is amazing that such different worlds can exist on the same planet. “Normal” as I knew it before, is not an option anymore. I see things with different eyes. Everything is messy and hardly anything is simple. I have lots of questions and very few answers.
As I have been back in the United States, I have struggled with the “American Dream”. I like the comfort of my bed and having my own room. I like being able to eat pretty much anything I want, when I want it. I like being nearby friends and family. I like American holidays and traditions, and hate missing out on things. I want job security and stability. I want to be able to make my own money and not to have to keep depending on God and other people. And, I just want nice stuff. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to have these things….
God has been providing, because that’s part of who He is. I’m not out on the street or anything. But as I mentioned before, finances have been hard. I only get paid when I’ve raised enough support, which means I haven’t gotten paid in two and a half months. I’ve been living on savings, but I really need to be reimbursed for some of that to be able to pay for what’s to come. I’ll let you know exactly what is needed in my next blog when I tell you where I’m going….
