I have been struggling to put this into words and so will probably do so over a series of blogs. Here goes nothin’….
God says I’m a starfish. Literally, He said that to me (well, not out loud, but as clear as day in my head). At first I was just really obsessed with starfish; you will find them all over my life right now. I have a shirt with starfish on it, I have a starfish necklace, there is a starfish hanging from the rearview mirror in my car, there is a starfish sitting on the table next to me as I write this…truly, I’m obsessed. As I was voicing my obsession to a friend a few months ago she suggested I look up what “starfish” means. In my head a lightbulb went off like, “Duh, I bet God is speaking to me”. So I asked Him, “God are You speaking to me about starfish?”. “Yes”, He says. “What are you saying?”, I ask. “You are a starfish,” He says. That’s how it all started.
So I begin researching starfish; googling it, learning all kinds of crazy things about starfish, like they can eat things bigger than their mouths because they can actually push their stomachs outside of their bodies, digest whatever they are craving, and pull it back in. Seriously starfish are cool, right? (I can’t do that, by the way.)
So what were these words?
The starfish…displays one of the most unique reproduction abilities in the animal kingdom. Cut off the leg of an octopus, and – amazingly – it grows back. Cut off it’s head, and it dies. However, cut off a leg or two of a starfish, not only do the legs grow back, but also the cut-off pieces grow back into an entirely new starfish! …A starfish is a brilliantly designed decentralized neural network, carrying its DNA in every part of its body.
-Starfish Manifesto
Are you confused? Let me try to explain…. In almost every country I went to on The World Race, as people were praying for me they felt like God was telling them that I am a “mother”, that I’ll have lots of spiritual children, that God will produce the “DNA” of who I am spiritually over and over and over again.
When I think about this I’m like, “Really, God?”. I don’t understand why I would get such a privilege, why I would be chosen for such an honor, but I admit that spiritual motherhood or “discipleship” is what I long for my life to be about. I want spiritual children, and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren. I believe in the multiplication process. I want to see people better understand the limitless God that made them in His image, and fully reach the potential He created them for.
I am willing to lay my life down for this. And I know God is asking me to – this is the second half of the starfish illustration: Reproduction comes from brokenness and death. God is asking me to believe that if He allows something to chop off my arm, He will grow it back AND multiply me in the process. At this point, I have little idea practically how He is asking this of me. I just have a little piece of the big picture, and all I know to do is sacrifice and lay down my life and desires in the little ways I am able to every day. But I’m sure He’ll show me exactly what I need to know when I need to know it. Its such a bittersweet feeling to be overwhelmed with joy at what the Lord is going to do with your life and yet still feel fearful and uneasy about the process. But I trust Him and I say, “yes”.
