Stop Trying

 

At training camp last October we all went on a journey called a Surrender Walk.  It started in a field, where we prayed and sought the Lord about things in our life that needed to be laid down at the cross.  After sometime a staff member came and talked with us about the things written on our logs, prayed with us and released us.  My biggest thing was control and of course many other things that stem off of that.  About halfway through the journey I was asked by one of the staff members if it was hard for me, physically that is.  I answered, “Not really.”  She challenged me to take my shoes off for the second hill that stood in front of me and I kind of laughed to myself thinking, “This is crazy…I’m not going to walk up a hill in the woods barefoot.  I’ll just pick up another log, that will make it a little bit harder.”  I went on my way…I laid down control.  Or did I???  That question has come up many times on this race.  The first time the Lord brought this story to mind was at the end of month 2.  I am now at the end of month 5 and He is screaming to me.  “Stop trying Liz, allow me to take over.  Embrace what I am doing and be still.”

 

It is hard to believe this journey is halfway over.  The things I have experienced and the ways my faith has been challenged are far different than I ever would’ve anticipated.  They told us to let go of expectations at the beginning of this race and they weren’t kidding.  I have learned that the reality is with expectations you will always come up disappointed.  You can hope and dream and ask God to move in ways beyond your imagination, but if you try to control it or predict the way it will play out, you will come up empty.  God is not predictable.  His kingdom is not the way our world tells and teaches us that things will be.  His ways are not our ways.  God says to be first is to be last.  He says the way up is the way down.  He says a broken heart is a healed heart.  A lot of times I put myself first and I strive to be king.  I want to be good and successful at things I set out to do.   I am being reminded daily that my value, my identity is found in who He says I am…not in what this world says I am, what I do, or who I might think I am.  We are considered righteous before God, not because of anything we do, but because of the righteousness of Christ and what He did for us.  It is credited to us because of Him, we didn’t earn it.  I have learned over the last 6 months how much of a doer I am, how hard I try and how much I strive to be approved by those around me and by God.  God doesn’t need me to try and at the end of the day no one’s approval but His matters.  I have that approval and it is free, it is a gift and has nothing to do with how hard I work or try.  He just wants me to be still and to seek Him with all my heart.  His kingdom is in me, I already have my inheritance and all I have to do is let Him move in me the way He wants to.  I am learning that like Abraham I just have to believe and embrace what God is doing.  God will take care of that which I can’t do.  I am learning to be still.   Against all hope, without weakening in his faith, Abraham BELIEVED God.  (Read Romans 4…it is good stuff).

 

Life is not easy and on this side of heaven, apart from Christ, we will never be satisfied.  The world we live in is a messy, broken place.  When you live in community like we are on this trip you are forced to be honest with each other.  You are forced to face the junk in your life, the things that are uncomfortable – your selfishness, your pride, your want for control.  There is nothing else to turn too out here, the things I distract myself with back home and run too aren’t an option.  I believe that abandonment and brutal honesty is where true healing begins.  He has given me a family out here, people I am with 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.   They are my mirror and they sharpen me.  They make me want to be more like Christ.  As we learn to love each other in our messiness and depend on Him alone, He is changing each of us, even in ways that we can’t see.  As we allow Him to hold us in our hardships we see His faithfulness.  He goes before us, with us and behind us always.  His work in each of our lives is His story, not ours. 

I am in awe of God’s blessings and provisions daily.  Our month in Indonesia has been awesome…these pics contain my favorite 24 hours in this country.  The beauty of His creation alone speaks of His splendor and greatness.  We spent 24 hours at this little island Kalong.  As we worshipped under the stars and stared out into the vastness of the sea, my heart was filled with joy at how a God so big could love someone as small and insignificant as me.   He loves you so much!  Embrace that today, wherever you are at. 

Please pray for our squad as we transition to Africa.  In the next week alone, we will be in 5 different countries (Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand and South Africa)…pray for safe travels.  June 1st we fly to Africa, I’m not sure where we will be yet, but when I know I will let you know.  There are some still in need of finances, we have new squad leaders as well as 5 new team leaders.  Ashley is the new leader of Team B.L.I.N.G.   We also had someone get their passport stolen and we only have about a week to get it replaced.  Nothing is too hard for God, so I am confident that it will come.  Thank you for your prayers and support!  We could not do this without you!!!!