Vietnam- Month 7 on the World Race
January 6, 2014
Cu Chi Tunnels (war tunnels during the Vietnam War)
I shot a gun. Not just any gun….a M16. Semiautomatic machine gun that was used in the war.
Back track 18 years ago. I grew up with a dad who loves hunting and guns, so we have a lot of guns. He taught me how to shoot, how to hunt, and how to skin the animal. Growing up in Arkansas, hunting is a way of life. We shoot deer to have it in the freezer to eat throughout the year. Hunting is a bonding experience with the person you’re with.
So back to shooting. I’ve shot a lot…more than most people. I grew up going to the gun range 1-2 a month, shooting over a thousand rounds each trip. After a few years of learning how to shoot, my dad took me on my first deer hunt. I slept with my hunting clothes on so when I woke up I could jump up and slide my boots on and walk out the door. My first hunt was the beginning of what became my passion. I don’t think my family expected it to explode like it did.
After a few more deer hunts, my dad and I took a trip to the below freezing mountains of Idaho to hunt mountain lions. After days of tracking, hiking up countless mountains and sliding down them, I managed to take a huge cat. During those long, freezing days of hiking hours on end and almost loosing my fingers to frost bite, I was thinking about my next adventure.
Skip a few years and add some deer hunted in the fall. We took a trip to Canada to hunt black bears. We hunted for over a week, nothing. We saw a lot of momma bears (sows) and their cubs, but no mature males. We walked away from that hunt empty handed. A few friends asked me if I was going to quit hunting. I asked them why would I. They responded as if I was crazy saying I failed that one time, why try again? They said to move on and try a different hobby. That got me more motivated to keep trying, keep hunting, and not to give up just because one hunt was unsuccessful.
We went back to Canada to hunt bears again. The week looked similar to the last hunt. We were on our last day, last hour of daylight to hunt. Out of nowhere, we heard and saw something…a huge black bear. I quickly got in position and took a shot. It started running so I shot it two more times before it got to the timber. Bear down. To top it off, it was a record book bear.
So you might be thinking, that’s the extent of traveling to hunt right? I mean, everyone in the south hunts deer, turkey, and ducks. Then maybe occasionally hunting elk, bear, mule deer, and mountain lion. Well stuff happened and I had the chance to pack my bags and travel to the “Dark Continent,” Africa!
So at the age of 18, my dad and I were in route to Namibia to hunt leopards. On the drive to the lodge, my eyes focused on this little girl without shoes. It was a cold morning and she was outside of her house (4 metal pieces nailed together with one sheet on top that made a roof and it was no bigger than my front porch at home.). I’ve never seen poverty that bad, and I caught myself holding back tears to not let myself look weak in front of my guide…he already thought I was weak because I was a girl wanting to hunt one of the most dangerous animals in Africa. After 3 days of hiking over 10 miles a day and hunting plains game for bait, we had a leopard in sight. This huge cat was in a cave. I set up the shooting sticks and placed my gun just right, hovering over the spots of the leopard skin. This was it, I was ready. I held my breath, let half the air out, put the crosshairs on the cat, and squeezed the trigger. The leopard was down…one shot.
So I hunted 4 more years in Africa taking all the dangerous game and some plains game. We hiked, we ran, we shot, we prepared so much for those hunts…but it comes down to that one shot to take down a lion that’s charging you, the bear that is running into the timber, or the Cape buffalo that’s running off after 4 rounds put in his tough body.
Why am I telling you all this? Let’s piece it together. On January 6th, 2014, I shot for the first time in 7 months. For me, that’s s long time without shooting. When I got my hands on that gun, I pulled it right against my shoulder, looked through the site, flipped the safety off and squeezed the trigger. The familiarity of the recoil against my shoulder gave me adrenaline and the feeling of my finger on the trigger….it was like I was hunting again.
The race has felt like a hunting trip. There’s no gun involved, I promise. The way I have been stretched, uncomfortable, exhausted, frustrated, etc., has been similar to hunting. You feel those ways before the big break, before something significant occurs. There is a point when you are thinking to yourself, “why the heck am I doing this?” “Is it worth hiking 10 miles to maybe find the right herd of elephants?” I’ll admit it, sometimes I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and be done with the hunt or race.
The toughest part of the race/hunt is when you learn the most about yourself. You see if you are going to give up or keep going. You learn about how you deal with things in so many hard situations and how to improve the next time.
During the hunts, I’ve learned a lot about myself. What I thought my limits were and what they really were. How far I can really shoot, how many miles I can really walk, how many blisters and cuts I can have and still survive, how many mountains I can climb, how many mosquitoes I can kill in a day, how many “close calls” when getting up close and personal with a lion or buffalo, and much more. One specific memory was when I was hunting elephants. We had hiked all day, up and down mountains. We had to sit down and take a water break. We were considering calling it a day and I was so frustrated! Why are these elephants climbing so many mountains? How can they get up here without tumbling over? We got up to walk back when we heard an elephant trumpet. The herd was right there, about 200 yards. There was my break, to finally have a chance to take a shot.
The race has had its speed bumps and it’s been hard, but Vietnam was the hardest. This month, God is bringing up things I need to deal with from my past, confrontations with other people, and the difference between conditional vs. unconditional love. He knows what makes me the most uncomfortable and He’s making them happen, so I can grow in my weaknesses. He’s bringing up things I didn’t know affected my walk with Him. I’m learning how to lay everything on the table, from easy to extremely hard, in order to forgive others and myself and to receive healing. Easy yeah? Not quite. Not when you feel God tugging at you to deal with things and you push it back and wait for a more convenient time. There is no convenient time to deal with anything.
I know it took a long time to get to my point, but I needed to process through it by writing this. Shooting this M16 Jan. 6 made me realize something…to keep pushing on to get through this rough time in my life and when I do that, the break through will happen. So through the rough times I’ve had that month within the team and my personal walk with God, it will be such a great testimony. I WILL have the break through I’ve been waiting for. God is teaching so many amazing things through this season, He is stretching more than I have been stretched before, and He is showing me His love more and more everyday.
So I am learning how to persevere, even when I want to not do this race anymore. Sometimes I am sick of being around people, sometimes I am tired of saying goodbye each month after making strong connections, or sometimes I would rather be home with my family than doing feedback and hanging out with people I would normally not hang out with. But it is through those tough times that I realize…if I push through this time of hardship and be obedient to what God has called me to do, He will get me through those times, those valleys, and walk me up to the point of the mountain.
