In part one I
mentioned that I had learned about stories. Something else I learned
at camp was that there has been a story playing around me that I had
totally blinded myself to.
So here it is.
The
secret
nobody told me before
(or
maybe I just wasn’t listening)
I always thought that
when someone said something like God told me so and so… it
was Christianese for I made an educated guess. I
just thought that was the way it was for most people (with
exceptions like Moses
and the occasional super believer).
The session entitled Spiritual Listening suggested it could be otherwise
I lrarned that the God who created communication is not limited to our
educated guess work to communicate with us; sometimes he brings
a word or phrase to mind, sometimes a song stuck in your head, or a
scripture. To some people he shows a picture, or has a person or
situation remind them of something else. These are only some of the
ways God gives people words. The point is, this relationship
can be a relationship. You can have COMMUNICATION instead
of just one person talking and the other listening. But you have to
listen to the right voice
(how Satan fights: He often uses thought patterns to hold you
prisoner; when you hear that voice that says you can’t do it,
or I am such an (insert derogatory word)
when you are plagued by truth-lie complexes, or groundless doubt)
I struggled with the idea that God would want to
communicate with me, or do anything spirit filled through me. I
wrote:
I dont
think its for (as in to)
me. That I need to stand aside and watch. but I am not prepared to go into a war zone without him.-
without being filled to overflowing.
As “fate” would have it wondering
back from the showers the next evening, I struck up a conversation
with a random girl.
I told her what I had been wrestling with and she told
me her testimony of the last day or two- it
turns out that she had been asking some of the same questions as I
had. After that conversation I realized
that the reason I felt
that
being
Spirit
filled
wasnt FOR
me
was that
I thought
someone else would be better or more capable, be the blessed special
person whose birth had been foretold by
the stars. But that was putting too much focus on me.
on what I could or
couldn’t
do to
be worthy. On what God could do with me. As if my engineering and
story and abilities were at the hands of the winds of fate- and God
was limited to work with whatever they (and
I)
wove.
-But- 
There
are no fates and here’s the thing. Its not about
what I could do or not do to get God to come closer to me. Because
there
is nothing I can do to make him love me more. or less. In
fact,
he can’t stop loving me- because
we are in covenant and
as a perfect God
he keeps his end –even
if I do not. (Cru
Winter Retreat 2012)
In
spite
of this knowledge I have trouble understanding this
love
in my heart though
the romancing I received
from
the spot where I wrote
was not lost on me.
(The
most beautiful huge magnolia, lacy shading dogwood leaves, and a
towering oak surrounded my bench. fallen mistletoe was scattered
around my feet.)
The
next heavy hitter was titled
God who speaks –
the premise was that
He
WANTS
to have
a relationship with us.
When
you pray and are
listening and
you get an idea or whatever You
Need to Ask:
1.
is it from me? (is it something I would usually think of?)
2.
is it from the enemy? (does it make you upset/angry?)
3.
is it from others? (is it from a movie or description?)
4.
It must be the Lords.
Also:
Is it Scriptural? Testimony of believers
(are other believers getting the same thing?) Does it Uplift his
name? Is its Fruit; life/encouragement or death/negativity?
Some
more notes to put in my journal-
except
the session didn’t
stop there. They actually wanted us to put it into practice. The
doozy
was this: first choose
if you are a one or
a two. Ones were
then
to close
our eyes, and twos would
put a hand on a one’s
shoulder. The one was
then to simply
ask God if he had a word for the other person……..yeah,
you can’t get get out of this one liz- well, here
goes, I closed my eyes.
Almost before I finished asking I thought of a camera, it was a
flash, an image that could easily be ignored. A cannon camera. I
seriously never think of that- It made no sense to me. -like, camera?
Really? There had got to be something else…. anything else??? I
searched my mind but I couldn’t think of a single other thing. So
with nothing left to say I threw it out there.
And
opened my eyes.
My buddy turned out to be a girl, and though the word seemed
nonsensical to me it affected her more than a little. In her words
thats almost scarey. I had no Idea what the word meant to
her but to me it didnt feel *magical* – there was no fire running
trough my veins, no goosebumps on my skin. It felt spectacularly..
..um…normal.
Before we left that evening someone shared something about the
verse: My sheep KNOW my voice.. (John 10:27) –apparently know here is a bigger deal than I realized- you
see, it is the same word for know as when Adam knew Eve. That
implies an intimacy and relationship that is crazy. He wants to
communicate with his sheep
After that session some things I wrote:
I didnt know, lovely that you spoke to us in whispers.… but theres a reason you are called a still small voice.
I
wondered if he loved me. this particular human? but
loving Elizabeth is not about feeling. Knowing is not about feeling.
You love your mom right? but how often do experience feeling
about that? however dont let
that stop you from seeking an intimate. real, relationship.
it is training. “work out” that spiritual muscle
Why
would you think that I am not for the individual, when all around you
I am touching people individually. Uniquely
——————————————–
A while after I
got home I decided to exercise that spiritual muscle so I asked
God if he had a word for me, almost before I finished asking, I got
the image if a rainbow, It was totally ignorable but I thought, Well
i’ll go with it, what does a rainbow mean Hope? New life? Promises
kept?
That
evening I watched the most beautiful, perfect, bright, double rainbow I
have ever seen. The only one I have seen all summer (and I don’t
remember how long before that). It was so bright it was reflected on
the lake which was uncharacteristically smooth.
Seriously God?
Now when I think
back I see many times the Holy Spirit has been moving in my story.
small miracles. I would tell
myself that it was just me, just my brain doing xyz. I always
thought I believed that God would/ could heal etc. but when it came
to it- I didnt
believe. I thought
he needed
my PR, in case he didnt
show up. I still need work here honestly
_________________________________________________________________________________
One
thing about stories
is that they bring to life truths.
Sooo… tell
me
stories
————————————————————————————————————————
I wanted to use some highlighting so you could visually see how God has worked. All thorough camp I would think of
one thing and then have it answered the next session or by some
person passing by- talk about coincidence- but in the end it turns out it would have been too many colors going on.
CONGRATS YOU MADE IT TO THE
END!!!
your PRIZE is:
……… you
get to glory in your
awesome feat of finishing- sorry-
I can’t
give you more than that!
