What a month it has been… I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this month was probably the hardest one yet! Spent 100 hours collectively on a bus this month. Traveling from jungle to jungle, and as you may recall these aren’t luxury buses they’re like seats don’t lean back/no bathrooms/smells like old shoes and body odor/fear for your life because the roads are treacherous buses and we rode them constantly…pooped my pants one too many times this month yep I surely did, once in my sleeping bag too so there’s that (which is a realllllllll bummer when you only have 3 pair of pants), got eaten alive by sand flies…at what point do you consider chopping your legs off and throwing in a fire cause they’re so ITCHYYYYY, cried alllooootttt, had terrible stomach pains over and over because I most likely have some creature making a home in my insides, was severely dehydrated, and realized I am truly not made for the great outdoors. I’m more of a 5 star resort girl (God call me to the celebrities haha) All that to say there were also some really wonderful moments. I met some truly amazing people that I believe will be life long friends, got to play with and love on some of the most wild and adorable children, got to see an incredible man (Papa Phil) radiate the Holy Spirit like I’ve never seen before, and let me tell you that impacted me in a deep way, I got the opportunity to encourage a pastor whose been faithfully serving for 55 years!!! We got to paint and help clean up his church. We got to visit some really incredible high schoolers and tell them about Jesus. I also was able to see some gorgeous scenery as we went from place to place.
So, yes it was painfully long and hard at times, but it was also incredibly beautiful and life giving. I laughed a whole lot and cried a whole lot. Isn’t that life though? Sometimes the hardest things are really the most growing and beautiful things.
Like this one day we went to a little jungle to celebrate with a church there and give some encouragement to the people. We got there (imagine) to no toilets, it’s real humbling to just pee right in the open woods with sand flies and you’re just swatting squatting and hoping you don’t smell like pee even though it’s all over your shoes, there’s no water and you come into a service that starts at 8pm and lasts until 1:30am. And you know I try to be really spiritual but when the same song is sung for the entirety of that 5 and a half hours there comes a point where you slip into insanity. Anyways!! So, we sit through this service, get to encourage the people and then have to sleep on the cold concrete floor with every bug imaginable swarming your head.
So, at last we lay down at 2am to our comfy floors and ready for a nice night of sleep. Right?? Wrong. At 6am guess whose getting woke up to clean the church… US. Now let me say I was real salty at that point. However, Papa Phil (you remember the angel man I mentioned before) so cheerfully and whole heartedly got up and started cleaning.
He’s 66 ok he’s not which is super young!!! But he’s 66 nonetheless and he was up and at em at 6am ready to do whatever was needed.
I saw this man day after day this month just serve so selflessly. He’s not getting a thank you, he’s not the next Joel Olsteen, he’s just Papa Phil. He would do all the things that no one would see, and even though he knew no one would see it or even appreciate it he still did it!! Not only did he do whatever was needed but he did it in excellence with the kindest most gentle heart. If I went through everything this month just to watch this man live his life then I’d say it was worth it.
After we cleaned we went to another 5 hour church service with yes the same song. Then headed on to our 13 hour bus ride ahead. Even though all of us were slap tired and I wanted to just cry (I’m very emotional apparently) Papa Phil just kept his attitude peaceful. He never complained, he never lost his temper, he just stayed calm, cheerful and full of a willingness to serve.
He radiated Jesus unlike anyone I’ve ever seen. Before we left for all of our jungle visits he messaged us and said are you willing to go home in a body bag? Because the roads are dangerous to get to where we were going and the jungle is dangerous. And I was like ummmmmm negative. That’s way too intense!! I don’t want to die!! But then I realized like if I’m not willing to die for this then how can I say I’m willing to live for this? Like Papa Phil is such a man at peace with death with whatever God has for him. He isn’t scared he isn’t worried he’s just content. He sees Christ as someone who he is willing to live radically for everyday and die for if necessary. He doesn’t count anything more valuable than knowing Christ. And he is so genuine!! It’s not a fake nice or a I’m trying to impress you by serving super hard it was just his genuine state of being.
Also, when he said that about the body bag I was faced with the reality of if I died on this trip did I do everything I wanted to do? Did I love hard enough? Did I show Jesus enough? Like was I enough? And it really lit a fire under me to go hard everyday in life. To love people around me as much as I can, to try things that I’m scared of, to radiate Jesus constantly, and to give my every single breath to make Christ known.
I don’t know this blog was all over the place. But it’s just all the things running through my head. I’ll just leave you with the thought are you willing to give your life for Christ? Because the only love language we have as Christians is dying to ourselves and that’s what we have to do everyday. That’s what I’ve learned this month is how much I gotta die to myself.
Liv
