But I will win her back once again.
I will lead her into the desert
And speak tenderly to her there.
I will return her vineyards to her
And transform the valley of trouble
Into a gateway of hope.
She will give herself to me there
As she did long ago when she was young
When I freed her from captivity.
When that day comes, says the Lord
You will call me , “my husband”
I will wipe the names of your idols
From your lips, and you will never
Mention them again.
On that day I will make a covenant
With all the wild animals and the
Birds of the sky and the animals
That scurry along the ground
So they will not harm you.
I will remove all weapons of war
From the land, all swards and bows
So you can live unafraid in peace and safety.
I will make you my wife forever
Showing you righteousness and justice, and
unfailing love and compassion.
I will be faithful to you and make you mine
And you will finally know me as Lord.
Hosea 2:14-20
From the time I was a little girl I can remember attending weddings and day dreaming about what mine would be like. Because my mother was a professional wedding photographer I was usually deemed her “lighting” queen through my youth and on into my adult days. I have attended more weddings than you can dream of, each of them different yet typically the same. I remember watching the brides face as we did the “first look” shot. And almost every single time the bride carried that look of expectancy in her face. The look that says “will he melt at the sight of me?” and the groom only standing a distance away from his beloved bride with his back turned for the planned surprise. He would sweet bullets in anticipation of feasting his eyes on his wife to be. This was always my favorite part of the wedding. When the “big day” finally arrives and you finally get the chance to stair into the eyes of the one you are committing your entire life to.
When I was 18 I met the man of my dreams. He was the greatest thing since chocolate cake and he showed a devotion to me that I have never experienced by a man before. Though my step father did all he could to provide for my mom and I, our relationship was not one of pursuit or father/daughter intimacy. So when “he” came along he began filling a part of me that had never been touched before. The more he filled me up, the more in love I fell. Now, my relationship with God the time was that of a girl who was naïve to a God who could love her tenderly, but knew a God who expected much from her. My way of showing God I cared about our relationship was by wearing my purity ring and not “giving my self away” like my mom had always warned me agents. I didn’t want a baby at 17 anyway,so it was easy to say no. Maybe it was even easer than I thought because no one had ever “wanted me” until I met “him”. No boys ever said I was pretty, no guy wanted to be my boyfriend, no boy ever found me fun, or funny. So when 18 rolled around and “he” told me he liked me, I thought “this has to be it”. He pursued me while I was in Indonesia studying, and for 2 years after. He moved to new cities, got a new job, devoted his life to what ur insecurities told us commitment looked like. He had little to nothing but I never knew because he was always treating me like a princess, always giving me his very best. I was so focussed on getting to that fairy tail moment when he saw me as his bride that it soon became my obsession. Eventually he could do nothing “good enough” because I always wanted better, and that’s what I deserved. That was the standard I lived by and expected him to live up to if he was going to be my forever. Now almost 2 years after our very hard and very real break up I can look back at that relationship and see that I wanted to this man to be my Jesus. I wanted him to save me, redeem me, and make me whole. And ill tell y’all, he tried. He gave me his human best and still fell short because he is only a man. He was never going to be the one who would save me, he would never be the one who would redeem my broken and insecure heart, and he would never be enough to compleat me.
I will turn 24 in the months to come, and this is the year that the Lord has chosen ME as his bride. He has asked me to commit to a relationship with him, one where he will fill those empty and abandoned places that were left in me. One where his promises will take their residency in my heart and the fruit of which they bare will be evident. One where my YES means forever, and my fear can be broken. One where my innocence is restored and the purity of my heart is replaced. One where I love unconditionally just because He made me that way. This is the year to be COMPLETELY devoted to someone who can truly compleat me…
This morning I told my KJ team what the Lord has been doing I’m my heart, and how he has been in full pursuit of a real relationship with me. I told them that I felt silly for asking God to give me something in this physical world to remind me the commitment he is making to me and I to him. “like… an engagement ring”. During our Jesus time this morning the Lord reminded me of Hosea 2:14-20. He spoke to gently to my heart and said this is my promise to you. and with it I received this ring.
This ring represents my total devotion to the only one God who is completing me, and it represents his promise to me “I will be faithful to you and make you mine” says the lord.
I’M ENGAGED!
