Hello there, faithful blog readers!
I have finally made it to the Islands of the Philippines. I am so grateful and happy to have made it through the jet lag and the heat changes. My heart is so happy here as I jump, head long, into ministry working with an organization called Wipe Every Tear. (read more at wipeeverytear.com) As we help disciple these girls out of their former lives as victims of human slavery and into the loving arms of daddy God, I can not be more honored to continue to answer the call on my life by simply coming into agreement with the Father and saying,” YES LORD!”
But, I have to be real with you today…
I have hit a wall.
I’m in this beautiful place where I am so in love with this ministry, where my dreams are turning into reality and God is blessing me. Why don’t I seem to be enjoying them fully? Why is it so hard to find that time and space for peaceful rest. Why do I feel like I’m running on “E” (empty) trying to fuel a fire that wants to burn out.
The truth is I’m so tired.. I’m tired of pushing into the uncomfortable places, I’m tired of moving from country to country, I’m tired of community, I’m tired of saying YES knowing the suffering will come. I’m tired of being ashamed that I’m broken and burned out.
This is the thing, sometimes missionaries paint this picture for you outsiders that makes it look like we are invincible. Always so happy, so full of life, love and joy. Never a dull moment. To be perfectly honest, we’re just like the rest of humanity. We are broken human beings who need Jesus Christ. We too go through hell and back trying to survive this place called “the real world” though it may look different it’s still the same world. The only difference is that we can’t hide our crap for too long. I live in a world that exposes everything and on a level that the enemy has purchased VIP tickets to.. and today I’m so sick and tired of painting on that smile that says, “I’m the best missionary in the world, please support me”. I’m so sick and tired of pretending I’m ok. The truth is I am not ok.
I’m a missionary that has hit her breaking point…
It’s funny, today I was going to write a blog about how I needed your financial support but instead I’m going to reach out and ask for your prayer and encouragement. I need my daddy to come and rescue me because I just don’t have the strength anymore.
-Liv
