For months now I have been questioning all that I previously “knew” about the Holy Spirit. First, the Lord brought some amazing people into my life (through my Iran team) that are really living in the power of the Spirit. I began to see displays of the Spirit that I had previously deemed “fake” and “showy”. However I couldn’t dismiss these people so easily because I knew their hearts.
This led me to the Word, trying to set my previous knowledge aside, and read it with new eyes. As I read through Acts, I began to find so much power in the early church that I didn’t see in my own life or my previous churches. The Lord began to show me that He not only redeemed His children, but He also wanted to empower them. Throughout Acts, you see people receiving power of the Holy Spirit as a separate event of redemption (Acts 2, 8:14-18, 19:1-6). I began to wonder if my relationship with the Lord was lacking all that He offers His beloved children. I was questioning, but I wasn’t sure what to do.
Near the beginning of training camp, Ron Walborn was speaking of the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and I sat wondering, “do I have this?”. At the exact moment that I was wondering Ron says, “If you’re wondering if you have this, then you don’t. I’ve never met anyone who has been empowered by the Holy Spirit and didn’t know it.” I was afraid to ask for these things that I didn’t understand, but my desire for the fullness of God in my life was greater than my fear. So I began to pray. I cried out to the Lord, but He remained silent. I continued crying out to Him. Finally, He responded, “If I never choose to reveal Myself to you in that way, am I still enough?” Heartache and tears- this is not what I expected. I sat in silence for awhile, tears streaming down my cheeks, just thinking. But finally I answered, “Yes Lord, You are enough.” And He speaks again, “My child you know I love you. Continue to press into Me.”
So, I continue to press in unsure of what to expect.
*For the rest of the story, check out part 2 of this blog later this week.
