“Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us from God, but draws us to Him- as nothing else can- and opens us anew to the flow of grace.” ~ Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
This blog is about getting honest before the Lord, before myself, and before you- my family, friends, supporters, the Church. The remainder of this blog comes directly from my journal from my conversation today with the Lord.
Lord, as I am fasting I expected to hear from You in powerful ways, but so far I have just been realizing how Pharisaical I am. You say in Isaiah 58:3 “yet on the day of your fasting you do as you please” And truthfully this is where I am. I’ve spent most of my fasting doing as I please. I am still being lazy, self-absorbed, focused on my own comforts. I want to love You more, but I don’t. I want to long for Your presence and Your Word, but I still long for other things more. I feel like I don’t measure up to where I should be. I feel like I am not good enough- as a World Racer, as Your daughter. But maybe this is where I need to be- to realize I am fallen, unfaithful, unworthy, but still intimately and unconditionally loved. It’s not about what I do; it’s about who I am- I am Your beloved daughter. Teach me to live in that. Erwin McManus says, “You were created to bask in the unending and unconditional love of God.” Today I come, not to try to be better or do more, but I come to sit and let Your love wash over me. I am loved even in my unfaithfulness- this is the beauty of grace!
This is where I am. I am seeing myself in my brokenness and sin, but at the same time seeing more of the Lord in His love and mercy. I am also seeing more of the beauty of His grace in covering me with Christ’s righteousness and calling me pure and blameless before Him. Join me. Sit before the Lord. Allow His love to wash over you. Rest in His grace.
