Imagine yourself in a small hotel room. There are five
people staying in this room; 3 in one full size bed and 2 more sleeping on the
floor. These people are surrounding you when you wake up, when you work, play,
eat, and when you go to sleep at night. In order to get to your stuff you have
to reach over someone. To go to the bathroom in the morning you have to step
over one of the people sleeping on the floor. Inevitably someone will knock on
the door while you are showering to ask if they can just come in and pee
quickly (and of course there is no shower curtain to continue showering behind
when they enter). This is just a glimpse into community living on the World
Race.
Community
living has been infinitely harder than I had imagined! The hardest part isn’t
the lack of personal space or alone time. It isn’t when someone leaves a wet
towel on my bed (again). The hardest part is that this community has become a
large mirror that allows me to see myself more clearly: both the good and the
bad.
This is my community – July ’08 Squad at Ko Samet island, Thailand
In community I have seen the ugliest parts of myself. I have
seen that I am still ridiculously selfish and often put my needs before others.
I have seen that I still feel entitled to so many things. I often, even if it’s
unspoken, expect my team to accommodate me forgetting that they have sacrificed
just as much as I have to be here. I still feel that I have the “right” to
withdraw when I feel like I need to despite what others may need from me. I
have also recognized that these traits are NOT small issues. My selfishness and
entitlements hurt others, they don’t reflect Jesus, and they should have no
place in my life. The sometimes suffocating constancy of this community has
shown me my need for more of Jesus and His refining fire to burn away all this
crap in my heart. These are parts of my heart that needed to be changed, but
probably would have lay dormant for years, or decades, if not for this intense
community living.
Fortunately this mirror doesn’t only show the ugly parts of
myself, but it also gives me greater clarity into my truest self: the woman God
created me to be and who He says that I am. My World Race family has prayed
over me countless times. They proclaim Truth over me and believe those truths
about me when I’m not ready to believe them about myself. They see God’s work
in my heart and call me to step forward in new areas of spiritual authority.
They love me, forgive me, and take the time to really get to know me; their
actions speak the truth that I am loved and delighted in. They notice when I’m
not myself and take the time to find out why. They laugh with me when I need to
laugh and cry with me when I need to cry.
My beautiful Kiatera sisters: Lindsay, Krystle, me, & Katie
These amazing brothers and sisters, especially my Kiatera
sisters, are beginning to really understand me. They know I don’t like to talk
before my morning coffee. They know they can always come to me for hugs or if
they just need to curl up next to someone. They know I am going to need lots of
cinnamon and sugar if I have to eat oatmeal for breakfast. They know I am going
to cry every time we say goodbye to people. They know my heart for orphans and
encourage my dreams. They know the lies I still struggle with and pray against
those. They realize when I’m just having a bad day and give me grace. They not
only notice when I’m overwhelmed, but they do what they can to ease the stress.
They challenge me to be more like Christ.
As
much as I sometimes long for my own space and a break from the constant
community, I know I need them. I know that I love them. It is within this
community that I am able to really see myself and be transformed into more of
the image of Christ.
I am so thankful for you all!
