Month one of the world race has been difficult to process. I wont lie, while I may have had a lot of fun it hasn’t been an easy month.
One aspect I was most looking forward to of the race was the opportunity to live in a Christian community and grow my faith. This has actually been the hardest part. I have always been an emotional person and willing to myself vulnerable and be an open book to anyone who asks but much to surprise that was not the case this month. In a community where vulnerability is so important I found myself putting up walls; getting comfortable with my team but not letting them get to know me. This is not how you knit together a family, which is the feeling I desire in a team. It also made me feel not like myself.
At training camp and again at launch they talk a lot about trust based vulnerability where vulnerability comes from an already established trust and vulnerability based trust which is when trust grows out of being vulnerable. I am always quick to trust people, some would say even too quick even bordering on naïve, so why was I unable and unwilling to be vulnerable I wondered.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
One thing I learned while talking with my mentor before launch was I do an awful lot of thinking for other people, perceiving things where they don’t. I found myself on a team full of people who had grown up in the Christian faith and possibly had preconceived notions about where the average person going on the race would be in their faith or that they would hold certain beliefs similar to theirs. I was afraid of being seen as a ‘lesser Christian’ as if there even is such a thing when in reality no Christian has it all figured out, we are all messy people. Being a Christian is like being a blind tightrope walker. It doesn’t matter where you are along the rope you must walk by faith in the knowledge that while at any given moment can lose your balance and fall Jesus will be there to catch you and help you back up on the rope again.
Remember you always miss 100% of the shots you do not take! So take the shot and you will be amazed at what God can do with it!
I entitled this post ‘Let it Go’ because both the Disney song as well as the idea of letting things go has been an important theme in my life leading up to the race. Before the race I needed to let go of control but now I realized I needed to let go of my insecurities and find a way to be vulnerable with my team.
People can’t earn your trust without first being given it. You prove you deserve something with actions not words. So October 2nd I took a leap of faith and shared my fears with my team as well as my testimony/journey of faith. It was very well received and I felt instantly lighter and finally known by my team.
“Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of courage and embarrassing bravery and something great can come from it”
While this has not fixed all the challenges that I have learned come along with living in community it has fixed the most important one taking us one step closer towards becoming a family.
