“Eeek ___days left! How are you doing?”
That is the question I continually receive from everyone. I understand it, they are excited for me but also probably don’t know what else to say. It is so easy to just answer, “Oh I’m doing good, tell me what you’ve been up to” especially when they ask you in passing or you don’t have time to truly talk. But is it the honest answer? No.
Today is my last day at Westwood Church for the next 11 months, and while I am excited with anticipation to see what God has in store for me I am also sad to be leaving my church family behind. While it may have been while living in Vancouver that I started down this path of knowing God it was at Westwood that I found my community. They are not only the place that has welcomed me in the doors every Sunday for the last five and a half years, they are the people that welcomed me into membership and promised to keep me accountable when I desired to be baptized, they are the congregation that has allowed me the privilege of leading them in worship, and they are the families that have trusted me and given me the honour of leading and guiding their teenage children during senor high youth.
The truth is I am very excited to be going on this journey God has called me on. I cannot wait to see how he is working in other parts of the world and to be his hands and feet on the ground. Trading my apartment for tent and backpack and my bed for an air pad actually excites me. While I wouldn’t consider myself a materialistic person I was amazed to see how much stuff I had accumulated when it came time to pack it all up. I am actually looking forward to seeing what it feels like to leave it all behind and take only what I can carry on my back.
I know beyond doubt that God has called me to this mission trip and I know God has great plans for my life, so I can’t wait to see what He wants to do with these next 11 months. This past 8 months has been a bit of a struggle for me in terms of needing to accept that I cannot control everything. It is for this reason that I believe I have such peace about leaving on this journey; I am finally letting go of all control and that feels so incredibly freeing!
But excitement is only half of the answer to the question of how I am doing…and if I am being truthful the answer I most often give. The other half of the answer is I am sad. I am sad to say goodbye to the people and places I love and that give me my sense of home. I knew it would be hard but there are times when my emotions catch me off guard. Sure I have lived in four cities on three different continents all on my own but that was a six years ago! I got used to my comfy stable life and while I know doing the World Race means having to say goodbye the fact that I am excited does not make the good bye any less sad. In some odd way it makes me even sadder because I know that I am about to experience something that only those who have done it can relate to. I am going to come home with so much to share and the people closest to me will not completely understand my experiences because they were not there to stare them with me.
So there; that is how I truly am doing. Goodbyes are hard and they suck but I know I will overcome the over whelming sadness and that it will turn into the only sometimes sadness as soon as I am reunited with my team and preparing to leave for Bulgaria. So please forgive me for my pendulum swing between sad and excited because trust me, being excited doesn’t mean I have forgotten about all of you I had to say goodbye to. It just means life goes on and I can’t wait to see you in 11 months!
Stay tuned for Good-Byes Part 2 – What is Church
