You might be reading the title of this blog wondering “she’s obviously not a man, so how is she affected?” Well, I’m glad you ask that question…
Almost two weeks ago my husband Scott and his friend Marc left the comfort of home (and their wives and children) to embark on a “Man Hike” in the Colorado Rockies. You may have seen Scott or Seth Barnes’ blog about the need for men to get away together. Anyhow, they met up with some of our fellow World Race ’07 alumni (as well as Scott’s brother) and set out into the mountain wilderness.
I don’t know all the details of what went on out there, I’m not sure I want to know… What I do know is I got 19 text messages all along the lines of “miss you”, “love you”, “miss my fam” during that week. Now don’t go thinking that Scott’s a pushover and that he couldn’t “handle” being without his wife. I’m sure he could have easily spent the week on a ridge somewhere enjoying the scenery and called me as he was getting off the plane in Boston.
But, when these men get together, with a mentor (or sage), something sparks in them. Two rocks collide and a spark ignites the fire inside them. They start speaking life, worshipping, and building community. Does this happen in a pew? It may for some men, but many more would argue that true brotherhood, pastoring, and impartation occur on the battleground. OK, so the Rockies aren’t that dangerous, but they have grizzlies… that’s more danger than a pew. The only danger of the pew is complacency, which may be more detrimental to living an abundant life.
So, Scott hiked, camped, shared, journaled, prayed, interceded, prophesied, listened along with 5 other brothers in his band. Seth spoke wisdom, encouragement, and empowerment over boys who are stepping into their own as men. (For the record… I’m not calling Scott a little boy, considering he’s my rock and more man than most out there… what I mean is that Seth has a few more years of experience, education, etc that he’s willing to share with anyone willing to receive).
The idea that men can just go for a hike, hang out, have deep conversation, pray a lot, and learn a little bit over a few days and come home refreshed and ready to give of everything they are is how I’m affected. Confused? Don’t be. I’m with Scott at home, at work, at church, etc, and let me tell you, I love when he gets with people who are seeking more. Sometimes the monotony of life can drag a man down, it can lead him into going on autopilot (TV, video games, golf). It can leave him OK with the status quo. There may have been a dream in there somewhere, but it got lost when the baby was born and the responsibility of taking care of an infant superceded the vision. That’s when a man gets lost.
When the vision dies or dwindles, the house can get chaotic, there can be a power struggle. If there’s no dream than what am I living for? Women usually pick up the pieces when this happens. We’re good at cleaning (not because we like to but because we’re freaks about cleanliness, figuratively, of course). So we, as women, keep trying to keep the house of cards from falling, thinking that we’re fitting the role we were designed for, and that our spouse should be more than impressed with how we hold it together by just balancing it all.
Ladies… we’re not meant to hold it together.
We’re not supposed to help the men in our lives survive on autopilot while we get stressed because we’ve filled the role of leader in our homes.
Lately, I’ve realized in my own life how going on auto can affect a marriage. I would go to work, come home, put the baby to bed, and watch TV or a movie. With both of us trying to work full time with an infant (who’s not in daycare), and the health insurance under my name, I felt the stress of needing to work long and hard to keep the insurance. But I also want to be the best mom ever to Jaron. And I want to be the most loving wife to Scott. But it was too much. So when Scott returned home and began talking about our dreams and goals, I realized that what I was doing wasn’t what I desired. I was only doing it to try to fill the “responsible” role. I didn’t let go because of a fear that we wouldn’t be able to be insured or that we’d make enough money now that we have a baby. So when I shared with Scott that my desire is to be a mom primarily, and work a few hours a week, he was elated (not what I was expecting at all). Scott was excited about filling his role as husband and father, caretaker and provider for our family (we both know that it’s God who takes care and provides for us).
Women, we can’t guide men into their identity as men.
Which is why when Scott wanted to try to get some men together and go hiking, I said, “Absolutely!” When men get called out to greatness by other men, they can’t hide. For sure, I tell Scott how wonderful he is, how he’s the only man for me, and that he’s a great husband and father, but other men can do more to awaken the man, the leader, the visionary in our home. When men are willing to be vulnerable (emotionally and spiritually) in an environment that doesn’t allow for fakeness or egos (the false self), something happens. That fire fans into flame!
And our son and I reap the benefits.
