On being a wife on the World Race,
One should consider the call and confirmation that God has placed over your life. Know that this journey is not simple. It is actually more complex than running a household, holding down a full time job, and being closely involved in church activities. Consider the cost, but ultimately, listen to God. No matter how hard the road, how downcast your face may turn, you’ve still been called for this great adventure.
Scott and I left suburban Boston, left our faithful companion (daughter?) Sequoia, left friends who understood us (and loved us despite our differences in opinions, whether Christian or non), and left the safety of alone time, most importantly. We knew what we were getting into, essentially, but little did we realize it would be this hard.
As a wife on a mostly female team (my husband as the only male), I am his main cheerleader, I am his confidant (even though what he really needs most of the time is another guy to talk to), I am his personal relations coordinator, I am his go between, I am the wall he bangs his head on.
This would happen on any team with these dimensions. It’s like Sesame Street, playing the game, “one of these things is not like the other” (to a zippy tune, so zippy, you find yourself at 28 humming it in your head). It’s just not normal, it doesn’t fit, and fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be), we’re the guinea pigs who get to make sure it never happens again.
Does any of this change the calling on our lives? No way. If we were to say yes, and decide to head home, because it would just be easier for our relationship, we’d be disobedient, and how is God going to use a Jonah? Well, I guess we know that story. I know we are in God’s will for our lives, but as a wife here, this has probably been one of my toughest callings.
Scott is rough around the edges, a man’s man. That’s part of the reason why I married him. I love that he says what he means and means what he says (no more, no less). He is a man of few words, but wears his emotions on his sleeve. The same Scott who exists on paper, is the same Scott I share my life with. There have been many a time in our relationship where I could have set him in his place, told him to be more “nice”, more proper, more user-friendly, but then he’d be a person I didn’t marry. He may not be right all the time, but most of the time it’s not my place to tell him when He’s wrong. God likes to show him that stuff (I just like watching, but never say I told you so). And most of the time the world gets to watch it unfold on the computer screen.
Do I get offended by Scott? Nah, it’s usually God that does it through him. Did I used to get offended by Scott? Oh boy, did I ever. I remember when we were first dating, he told me that I should lose weight, that I was overweight, and that I needed to shed a few pounds (after all, he is a personal trainer). When I first heard that, I received, “you’re fat, and no one will love you that way” (Which goes into a lot of past wounds, blah, blah, blah… an entirely separate story). But, he went to those places with me, he went to those hurts, and God did the healing. And so I was able to receive, weight loss= better health, more use for the Kingdom (and by the way, I’ve totally gained weight on the mission field, maybe creating workout programs for future racers may be a part of our future, but I haven’t heard that call). After all, we are multidimensional; spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical beings. They can and should be balanced for optimum performance output (tech terms here). I’m getting sidetracked.
What I love about my husband is that he’s ferociously loyal to me. So loyal that he does set up very strict boundaries around our relationship when it comes to female friendships. He does consider them as sisters (but everyone has different sibling relationships, and his may be different than those of others), but he is undivided for me… if you don’t count God . J I, in turn, do the same, because my love for my husband is greater than any friendship with any other man (or woman, for that matter). We have been learning how to fight for our relationship is this aspect. (Single people only understand this in concept, and until they get in the driver’s seat, it’s unable to be put into practice).
We know that God is using all of this for His glory. None of this is being wasted. I am a wife who’s taking the course for credit. I’m learning devotion to a man who is misunderstood more than understood. I’m learning that it’s ok for me to join him in that. I’m learning that I can not single-handedly solve problems or carry burdens that aren’t mine to bear. I’m learning that even with a shepherd’s heart, there is a time and a place for its use (and that’s God’s timing and location, not mine).
I’m thankful for the men that God has placed strategically into our lives in this last week. Trompie, and now Peet (Trompie’s co-worker) have been a wonderful outlet for Scott. They are men’s men as well. They are strong Boer men who speak Afrikaans, and tell little 10 year old boys to stop their crying and man up. These are men who let Scott know that it’s alright to be a man, and a strong one at that. I praise the Lord for His divine appointments. Just further confirmation that we are exactly where God wants us to be!
