Sunday, March 4, 2007
Today, Scott and I have been married for 21 months (again, we remember this because our dog will be 21 months old in 3 days). It’s so cool to see where God has taken us from and where He’s bringing us. Who would have thought that we’d go from a date on a ski slope at Wachusett Mountain to Diriamba, Nicaragua… and around the world! When we first started dating I thought our life together would have looked like the lives of American’s around us… rent/ buy a place to live, get a good job, work your way up in the ranks so you can work more and make more money, buy a bigger place, drive a better car, have 1-3 kids because that’s all you can afford. Who knew that 21 months later, after having lived in a 1 bedroom apartment (“it can only get better from here,” Scott once said), to living in a camper, we’d be living on a cement floor in our tent (so the mosquitos don’t eat us alive.)
Marriage for us has been such an amazing ministry. On the road with 27 other single people, learning family, learning community… every time we have a heart to heart family time, I remember lessons that Scott and I have learned along the road to “oneness.” Getting through conflict, tough emotions, even sharing encouraging words, or a bear hug… all of those things are neccessary in marriage. Team Nessa is essentially a marriage (weird!). And the more we dive into emotion and vulnerability, the more we become one. Which is really what God wants for His church. One in spirit and mind, so that we can live for His purposes. We may all function differently, but only because God made us individually different, with separate personalities. However, combined, we are stronger together, than separately apart. And this is hard!
It takes time to build lasting “oneness.” I was thinking about my dear friend Denise last night after our team had a “family meeting.” I’ve been friends with Denise since I was 10 (and I’m going on 28 this year), and even time and distance hasn’t totally affected how close our friendship is… we know when we need to get together, or get on the phone, or drop everything and see each other. I was thinking about how our friendship is so easy and comfortable even when we talk about tough stuff. I can say basically anything to her. We’ve gone through very hard times, where we spent almost 2 years not talking to each other. But God designed that, so that we could have the friendship we have now. God has blessed me by showing me how to be vulnerable in that friendship… but vulnerability with Denise has still taken almost 18 years.
I told Scott last night that our team is on a fast track here. So it’s either we shut off emotion to people and have shallow, rigid acquaintances this year, or we dig in deep, say the things that will make friends not talk for two years (however, on the accelerated fast track 2 years is approximately 2 days). We need to be willing to look stupid, uneducated, less spiritual, or be upset, or speak out against strongholds over our family here. We’re learning how to do friendships God’s way. Denise and I could have potentially saved those two years (maybe, maybe not… God only knows) had we communicated to God about how we’re feeling, asked God for insight, asked God to change us, rebuked the anger and the need to be right all the time (that may go under selfishness). And God has brought us through to this point, where we can do this!
And so now I’m faced with this challenge, back away to save emotion, to save the heartache that comes with friendship, or step into it, knowing that it’s a tough road ahead… a tough road, but a rewarding road.
Thank you Denise for sharing in the rewards with me… I’ve really been blessed by the windy, hilly, and bumpy road God has brought our friendship down.
