Well today I got a tattoo. For people that know me from back home, this is kind of an outrageous and unexpected things for me to do. I am pretty clean cut, goody two shoes so for me to take a risk of getting something permanently on my body seems a little out of the norm for me. But this tattoo is way more than just some pretty picture or some ink on skin. It represents my story, the hardships I have gone through and the ways the Lord has brought me hope and restoration in my life.
When I was a freshman in college in Chicago, a friend of mine named Chelsea was brutally kidnapped, raped and murdered while on a run about 15 minutes away from my home in California. Her horrific murder really affected me in numerous ways. I couldn’t imagine how God could let such a beautiful person, inside and out, as Chelsea die in a horrific way, especially because she wasn’t a Christian. How could God do this to a girl who had such a desire to change the world and help others??? I became so angry at God, for letting this happen but I also became angry at myself for being angry at God. How could I be mad at the God of the universe? How could I be angry at the person who created me? With so many confusing thoughts, doubts and frustrations in my head I decided that though I believed in God, knew he created the world and I knew Jesus died on the cross for my sin I couldn’t deal with him anymore. I spent the next 10 weeks pushing through school, acting like everything was fine and dandy on the outside when inside I was full of loneliness, depression and pure grief for the loss of Chelsea.
Coming home that summer I knew I needed to mend my relationship with God and work through all the issues that I had suppressed but I wasn’t motivated enough to work through the brokenness. Yet that summer the Lord slowly began to work on my heart through friends, family and a particular group of 8th grade girls to where I finally fell on knees, begging him to bring my joy back, for him to come back into my life. That next year was a slow process of the Lord working in my life, sorting through the brokenness and rebuilding our relationship to be stronger than ever.
So today I have a tribute to Chelsea and her life on my foot. After her death, her parents created a non profit organization in her name and the symbol of Chelsea is a sunflower. Now on foot is a sunflower with a cross in front, reminding me that through Chelsea’s death the Lord brought hope, restoration and renewal in my life.
Thailand has not been an easy month for me. I have experienced a lot of brokenness, vulnerability and realization of how my past has affected my presence. But as I look down at my foot tonight I am reminded not only of Chelsea’s life and impact but of how the Lord has walked me through trials and brokenness of her death and a loss of faith and how he has used these hardships to create me more in his likeness. Brokenness is so hard but if God can take an awful situation like Chelsea’s death and use it for his glory, who are we to refuse to go through the process?
In one of Chelsea’s last writing assignments in high school she challenged her readers of what it means to live and live well. This was her challenge of how to live a prosperous and full live.
Yet, I also believe that the cure includes a daring dash of joi de vivre—a fearless spontaneity and full embrace of life’s small joys, whims, and the pursuit of what one truly loves to do. ‘
In life we as Christians have the awesome knowledge that we have a God who loves and guides us through the trials and toils of life. With the confidence of having the all knowing, all powerful God loving, protecting and guiding us, why would we not seize the day, take risks and live with a “fearless spontaneity”? Though Chelsea’s life was cut short, not a day goes by where I don’t think about her and thank the Lord for her life, how she positively impacted so many people and how she showed me the amazing and powerful love of Jesus Christ. She has inspired me to fearlessly follow after God, fully trusting that his plan his perfect and though there is pain now, there will be restoration and joy soon. I challenge you to live your life like Chelsea did. Don’t be held back by fear but instead embrace the gifts and hardships the Lord has given you for He makes all things good and will use each thing to work in your life for good!
My amazing friend Chelsea
