I never thought about solo leading before going on this trip. To lead, by myself, for 3 months is overwhelming when I sit down and really think about it. I don’t always feel prepared to lead these 9 women to the places the Lord wants to take them. I am one person with limited experiences, wisdom, and knowledge. Rarely do I feel like I can be enough for each one.
But God.
I have the unique ability to partner directly with Holy Spirit. It’s a blessing to be so dependent on God because I honestly don’t have any other choice.
A few nights ago my team experienced a lot of spiritual warfare as they were sleeping. The whole team was awoken to pray and seek God. I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to do, if what I was doing was right, or how to help everyone feel at peace. I prayed that Holy Spirit would take control of the situation and just lead me in all of it. I was blown away at the way each women comforted each other, prayed, and sought the face of God. I didn’t need to lead the whole experience, Holy Spirit was at work already in each of them, individually leading them for the comfort of the group. Holy Spirit had everything under control.
It’s freeing and beautiful to let God lead, trusting that he is picking up all the places that I lack. I don’t have to be enough for them, because he alone is enough. I’m not here to have all the answers or be the guiding voice for the team, I’m only here to point them back to the Lord.
When I have no one else to lean on I’m realizing that I carry more than I thought I did, and I get to grow in deep dependence on God. It’s a beautiful combination of being empowered by Jesus and learning to lay on my face at his feet. I get to live out the fullness of living life in the Spirit. I walk in both overwhelming authority and overwhelming dependence.
It’s such a weird and unique place to be, but I am so grateful for it. Everyday I learn more of what it looks like to trust God and trust Holy Spirit at work within me. I am grateful for these women, and the opportunities they provide for me to trust God more and seek more of his heart.
So here’s to 2.5 more months of dependence and authority. To walking daily in the tension of being fully empowered and fully laid flat at the feet of Jesus.
