There comes a moment on the race when you face the realization that you are headed home. This journey which seemed to endlessly stretch before you is actually a finite chapter of your life. There will be a day when the race is a thing of my past and not my present reality. That day is rushing at me like a freight train and I am tied to the tracks. I can’t magically make all of this last longer; it’s time to come home.
When I began the race I had huge expectations of what my last few months would look like, and how God was going to bestow this huge life plan upon me. Well, here I am one month from going home and I’m sorry to say that no such plan has dropped itself in my lap. I see people all around me finding dream jobs, applying for new trips overseas, and making plans for the future. And then there is me.
I have only one idea of what comes next for me, and it doesn’t happen right when I come home. The huge expectations I had of God have not been met. Instead he has given me something so much better. I have excitement about the future. For most that doesn’t sound like a very big thing, but for someone who habitually fears the future and worries constantly about it, this is a very big deal.
I am excited for the unknown possibilities that lie ahead. I am excited for the things that I know will happen as well. I am excited for sleeping in my own bed, waking up on a Saturday morning with the whole day to be planned and lived at my own leisure, and I am excited for exploring the place that I call home but haven’t lived in for so long. God has done a work in my heart about the unknown and has changed fear into excitement to fulfill my dreams. Not the big crazy life-changing dreams, but the small dreams of solo road trips, getting better at photography, and trying new coffee shops. The big crazy dreams are still held firmly in God’s hands and I know he will fulfill them in his own timing. It is my time to go after the things I have always wanted.
Honestly, I thought I would be leaving the race with a plan for what comes next. I thought that God would make me wait until the end, but I also was scared about not knowing. I had expectations on myself that people would judge me for not using this year to come up with a plan about what my life will look like. I am more unsure of what the future holds at the end of all of this than I was at the beginning. And that’s right where I want to be.
I know that I serve a good God who loves me so insanely well that I can trust him in all things. I know that God’s promises are sure and true. I know that I am given abundant life through him, which means that life will just keep getting better. Not easier, prettier, or without challenge, but better, because I will know more of my God and get to experience more of him. This makes me excited for the unknown. This makes it easier to tell everyone that I am coming home to no job, my parents’ house, and not much of an idea of what I will be doing once I am back in the States.
I’ve learned that the World Race is not a magic eight ball. I can’t ask it questions and it gives me the life plan that I want. The World Race is about me learning about God and myself and falling more in love with him. I have not failed by going home without a plan. I have succeeded far beyond my wildest imagination because I have come to trust in my Jesus more than I thought possible.
