I never expected much from Panama.
Honestly, it was my one “throw away country” on the Race, the country that I didn’t care if we ended up here or not. I had no expectations of what I was about to walk into a week ago, but God has blown my mind with this little country situated just perfectly between Central and South America.
I truly think because I had no expectations walking into this month God was able to bowl me over with the beauty that he placed perfectly in this country. We are working at a YWAM base in the mountains of North Panama. There is pretty much nothing around us except trees and land. After 3 months of craziness, my soul has found the space that it needs to breathe and rest. God has gifted me with a month full of time and space. It’s a completely undeserved and unexpected gift on the Race.
As an introvert and lover of the country, I can handle cities, noise, and people for only so long before I start to go a little crazy. Over the last three months I have seen team after team on our squad get placed in the far reaches of the countries we have been in and we have faithfully been placed in civilization, so I fully expected to be in a city by the time Panama rolled around. But God knew the needs of my heart and placed me not only in a beautiful location in the country, but also gave me the amazing Worthy Pearls team to do life beside.
I’ve come to realize on the Race that expectations don’t normally lead to you having a better month or experience; in fact they lead to quite the opposite. Simple expectations of having a bed, hot water, or a place to hang your hammock are not guarantees on the field, but if you live without the expectation that you will have them, they become all the sweeter when you do get to experience them. I actually laughed out loud this month when I turned on the shower and hot water came out for the first time since leaving home.
Going into the month with absolutely no expectations has allowed me to simply be lavished and romanced by God. Lying on the playground looking at the stars with my team talking about life, or falling asleep to the sounds of the birds for a mid-morning nap in my hammock are simple things that God has blessed me with in just a few short days in Panama. My soul has room to breathe and grow here that hasn’t been possible thus far on my Race because of where we have been located. True rest for my soul is a gift that I definitely don’t deserve but God has lavished it upon me here.
I am slowly learning that a lack of expectations allows simple and small moments to become sacred. It allows me to recognize how God is at work in my life in ways that I wasn’t able to previously because I always saw them as an expectation in my life. Sleeping in a bed with a roof over my head is no longer an expectation; it is a privilege and blessing from God alone. Leaving my agenda at the door has allowed me to jump out of my comfort zone and do things that I never would have done in the past. I am more willing to simply explore the world around me and soak in every good gift from God because every good thing that happens is truly a gift from him and not something I deserve anymore. I get to sit and wait in excitement for the next great adventure that God is going to take me on.
I for one am excited to leave my expectations for each month behind and step into what God chooses to gift to me.
