As this month comes to an end, the Lord has brought me full circle to a revelation that I needed. I’m thankful that the revelation came at the end of the month, too. If it occurred any sooner, I probably would have abused it in my fleshly desire to be comfortable.
It was the end of our ministry day and I was listening to our ministry host, Raul, and our squad leader, Lindsey, talk about plans for the next two days. They were discussing who all would go to Craiova to do street evangelism. I knew our team would go by default because we have gone every single time (since we are on the team that does street evangelism). I honestly wasn’t excited about it. Dreading it, even.
I have been so out of my comfort zone this entire month with the type of ministry my team is doing. We have done home visits to evangelize to nonbelievers and encourage believers. We have done street evangelism in Craiova multiple times. I have narrated a Bible story to a bunch of kids in a field. Basically all the things that are uncomfortable for me.
I know all of that is good, and I feel like I have grown and learned a lot. I have learned that I’m not horrible at doing some of those things. I have learned that doing those things won’t kill me. But I have also learned that none of those things are spiritual gifts of mine. At least I don’t think they are based on my time here in Romania.
I enjoy logistical and administration ministry. I love manual labor projects. There was a day where I was able to clean the property next to the church instead of go and evangelize, and it was wonderful because I ENJOY doing that type of work.
So, as I sat there listening to Lindsey and Raul try to come up with a list of people, I jokingly stated that Dani could go in my place since she really wanted to go. That joke, which truly stemmed from how I was feeling, turned into a great conversation.
Lindsey looked at me and said something along the lines: “You know you don’t have to go tomorrow.” It caught me off guard, because that was exactly what I wanted to hear. She knew that other people actually desired to go and assured me that it’s was okay to let them go instead of me.
She went on to affirm that it’s okay to not love evangelism. We both know it’s not a spiritual gift of mine, to walk up to some rando on the street and start talking about Jesus. That’s just not me. And that’s okay.
At this point Raul joined back in the conversation and I briefed him on the conversation Lindsey and I were having. He took it a step further and drew out on paper two lines that looked like a wide V. It represented two different areas that we operate out of in our lives. One area was our responsibilities and our duties. The other was our spiritual gifts and the things we excel in that the Lord has created us for.
He explained that for him, there are things that he doesn’t do naturally that are necessary to do from time to time. It’s not his day-to-day, yet sometimes it is his duty or responsibility to step into those unnatural roles. That was one branch of the V. On the other branch are the things we operate out of on a normal basis and are our spiritual gifts. Seems simple enough, right?
He went on to tell me that if there is ever a choice, that I can (and should, probably) choose to do what I operate well in. There will be times where it will be my responsibility to go out and do street evangelism because the host needs all of us, or the others are busy with something else, or if Holy Spirit calls me to. Raul even stated that I should ask hosts if there is another option before assuming it’s the only option.
I was confused initially. I guess it never occurred to me that any of the ministry could be an option, or that we had the right to ask if it’s the only option. I think that feels disrespectful to try and opt out of ministry I am asked to do. Even the thought of choosing to not go street evangelize in Craiova made me feel guilty, which I mentioned to Raul and Lindsey in our conversation.
They made it clear that if I’m walking in freedom, I shouldn’t be operating out of guilt in doing these things. God loves me, and He doesn’t want me operating in discomfort all the time. A loving Father doesn’t desire that for me. He created me with gifts that are different than other people on my team, my squad. That’s why we collectively make up the body of Christ.
Yes, I won’t always be comfortable. And frankly, I don’t think I want to be. There isn’t growth if I’m content in stagnation.
A weight has been lifted of my shoulders with this revelation. The revelation that I don’t have to love street evangelism. The revelation that I can actually choose to operate in my spiritual gifts when I have the opportunity. The revelation that I am God’s daughter, and in that I, by default, walk in freedom.
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