I have to admit, while writing the first sentence of this post, I fully intended for it to be a farewell letter (which might be coming later…stay tuned). Once I continued typing, other thoughts were coming to mind around this grand decision to shake up my life. So, here’s my short post that I never intended to write.
As my time stateside rapidly dwindles, I am slowly coming to terms with the reality of what I’m doing. Cue the melodramatic Explosions in the Sky instrumental music. Some people might say “well yeah, it’s 11 months…that’s a long time!” However, in the grand scheme of things it’s only 11 months. Think about eternity. Literally no end in sight; it’s forever. When I put it in that perspective, 11 months is just a blip. A blink. Hardly worth mentioning, really. I am not trying to be dramatic (or maybe I am, I don’t know).
Here’s the truth: when I have mentioned to people what I’m doing, it’s kind of fun seeing the shock and admiration on their face. Their comments of envy and jealously bring this sense of pride in the fact that I am dropping everything in my life to go around the world to serve people and love people in the name of Jesus. The “yeah, look at what I’M doing” overcomes my flesh. How twisted is that?
Once I zoom out and take a birds eye view, I am slapped with the truth that it is indeed only 11 months. Sure, most people don’t do that in a lifetime, but I also wouldn’t be going on my own. The choice could ONLY be Jesus, because I don’t have the strength, boldness, or courage in my own flesh to do something like this. If you take anything away from what I’ve said over the last 7 months, that would be it. That to decide against my comfortable “cush” life is only an act of God, FO REAL.
It’s like a coworker taking credit in a presentation for all of the work you did. What’s the reaction? How can you so easily take responsibility for all of this work that I have done? How dare I brag and take such pride in something that isn’t even my own doing. Ephesians 2 verses 8 and 9 talk about how God has saved us through faith by grace. It says that it’s a gift of God and not a result of our works, so that no one may boast. In other words, I will not boast.
So, I confess now to anyone that reads this. I confess that I have a prideful heart that has the audacity to try and take credit for this. I want to rebuke that. I have a wicked heart that can only be redeemed by Jesus’s bloody sacrifice. Praise Him for sending his son, and for sending the Holy Spirit to discern and convict us when we sin against God.
Love you all, and sorry for my prideful thoughts in the midst of this season of life.
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