So Sing

Eight days ago I had a tonsillectomy. And let me just tell you.. there are a lot of things about this particular surgery and its recovery that people fail to tell you. For instance, your ears will hurt like WHOA. I seriously didn't expect this one at all, and the most intense pain I've felt has come from my earaches. Another tidbit, there's no shame in watering down your mashed potatoes/egg salad/etc. Just do it. Oh, and please dont look at your throat scabs. Ya gotta trust me on this one. And a major thing that no one tells you is that you won't be able to talk! And when you do start to talk again, you will sound BIZARRE. I obviously didn't expect to roll out of the operating room and be able to belt out a Whitney Houston song, but I was not prepared for the way life has been over the past week. 

Luckily I've been able to communicate through texting and writing, but not being able to sing has been really challenging for me. As I went to church yesterday, I knew that worship would be emotional. My primary method for communicating with God is through singing. And BAM. It was taken away from me. So before I even got to church, I prayed for God to reveal himself to me in a new way. I know that there are tons of people in the world who can't hear or sing, and I know it's possible to connect with God in other ways, so I prayed for a different type of experience. 

As I stood there listening to my community sing songs of praise to their Lord, I felt really disconnected. It was their Lord, not mine. I felt like a foreigner. I raised my hands in an attempt to connect without my voice, but it was difficult. To be honest, I was a little disappointed. I expected a revolutionary worship experience. The only thing I really heard from God during that time was "just listen to your brothers and sisters and let them sing for you" and "only offer what you can offer." 

But no! I don't want to learn to communicate in another way. What if a football player breaks his leg? He can smell the grass and hear the crowd roar as helmets collide, but he can't participate. I doubt he would lose his passion for the game and suddenly take up painting. Obviously frustrating things like this happen all the time – injuries, accidents, etc. – but the thing I love most has never been taken away from me before. And I wanted to pitch a temper tantrum.

I became especially frustrated and emotional when the band started to play "There is Hope (So Sing)." The first line of the song says "I'm gonna sing a song, even if it hurts… If it hardly comes out."  (cue tears) BUT THE WORDS WON'T COME OUT AT ALL!

Maybe my closed mind and heart were what kept me from having a revolutionary experience.  

CHORUS