Four days before I left for launch, I got some news that took me by surprise. My sister's boyfriend of eight and a half years had called my mom, asking for my grandmother's ring so that he could propose to my sister.To be honest, there was a small part of me that was upset. They had been dating since I was fifteen years old. Galen (my sister's boyfriend) had become like a big brother to me. And now he finally decided to propose, but I wasn't going to be in the country.
Last week, my sister (casey) and Galen left for a vacation to Hawaii and I knew the proposal was coming. On friday, I desperately wanted to go the internet because I wanted to know if it had happened. Because of limited time, my team leader decided that only people who needed the internet for World Race things (finance, logistics and leadership) would use the internet that day. I was really upset. It got to a point that I had to ask myself, "Why am I so angry right now?"
I realized it was because I have been looking forward to my sister's engagement for so long. We dreamed about engagements and weddings and marriage so much when we were little. Every time we played with our barbies or troll dolls, we always pretended that there was either ad engagement, wedding, or birth. We decided at a very young age that we would be each others "Maid of Honor." I had always imagined that I would get to be with her in the process, and help her plan a lot of her wedding. Instead, I am halfway around the world with little time and little internet, and so I will not get to be apart of the process in the way I had always planned and dreamed off.
In that moment, God asked me to surrender that. And even more, He asked me if there were more dreams and plans that I would be okay with surrendering. If life didn't go as I planned, would that be okay?
I am still in the process of surrendering all to Him. It's hard to give up certain things, especially when you don't know what you are giving them up for. If I give up my dreams, what will you give me instead, Lord?
But what I am learning is that God worth it. And that even if God promised me nothing in return for my surrender, it would still be worth it because I would be obey the one who is worthy. I have dreams of getting married and having a family. But what if God has other plans? What if His dreams are bigger than mine? Will I be willing to surrender? Or what if He wants me to have a family, but it looks different than I how pictured it would happen? Will I let go of my expectations?
Acceptance with joy. It is becoming a huge desire of my heart. That when the Lord does something in my life, or asks me to give up something, that my heart will be filled with joy because I am obeying the one that I love.
