For those of you who know me, you know that I’ve been raised in the church. My dad is a pastor and for as long as I can remember, I’ve gone to every church service, every VBS, every youth camp, every pot-luck dinner, every Christmas Eve service, etc. You name it, I went to it. And in many ways, I am completely blessed and thankful for this upbringing. Jesus has always been a constant in my life and I’ve had many years to learn about who the Bible says He is.
But sometime during college, I realized that while I had known of God for my entire life, I had never actually entered into a relationship with Him. Up until that point in my life, I was more concerned about “being a Christian” than actually getting to know my God. Basically, I was a Christian without Christ.
Yea, that’s a thing.
So here I was, a 20 year-old college student who had just had this incredible revelation! And do you know what happened next? Absolutely nothing.
Nothing changed in my life. I still went to every church service, every pot-luck dinner, every Christmas Eve service. I even went on every mission trip. And I was still the same! I was still a Christian who didn’t know how to have a relationship with Christ.
So here I am. My third week on The World Race and in the middle of the Dominican Republic. And honestly, a little frustrated. Ok, a lot frustrated. I had been obedient. I had abandoned everything to do what I felt like God was telling me to do. And I still didn’t feel closer to Him. I still couldn’t feel Him. I still didn’t feel like I could have a relationship with Him at all. And I certainly didn’t feel like I belonged here on the mission field with so many other Christians who had it all figured out.
Thankfully though, God doesn’t give up on me as easily. After admitting my struggles to one of my squad leaders, I received some very simple, yet life changing advice. Have faith. And for me, everything just clicked. Of course! Where had my faith been?? The God that told me to come on the Race is the same God that I dedicated my life to 10 years ago and is the same God that I grew up learning about. And just because I couldn’t feel Him or know how to talk to Him, didn’t mean that He wasn’t there.
My squad leader also reminded me of a simple truth that I never really understood until that moment. God just wants to spend time with us. There’s nothing that we need to do except sit in His presence. Me being me was enough. And that’s when I felt like I woke up. That’s when I felt like my prayers were finally going higher than the ceiling. Prayer was no longer a wish list I recited to God but an intimate moment where I would connect with my Heavenly Father.
Now, I no longer feel obligated to read my Bible but I desire to read it. I no longer feel awkward praying but I love talking with my Heavenly Father. I no longer feel obligated to behave like a Christian, but I desire to simply spend time with the Lord. I’m so excited to see what God has done in my heart in just these past few weeks. I can’t wait to see what else I learn about Him in these upcoming months!
