Today is the day we recognize as the day Jesus died on the
Cross for every human being that has ever lived and will ever live. It’s Good Friday. It’s also my birthday. When I first realized that they would
fall on the same day this year I was, lets just say, not excited about it. Throughout my walk with Christ I’ve had
some incredibly amazing times, and some not so great ones. Right now I’m in what one might call a
spiritual drought. I haven’t
really talked much to anyone about this, I mean I went on a year long mission
trip around the world, I should have my stuff together now right? I shouldn’t go months without opening
my Bible, I shouldn’t be disrespectful to my parents, and pretty much I
shouldn’t do a lot of the things I’ve been doing.
I woke up this
morning, not particularly excited about today. I’m living in Oklahoma and through completely my own choice
haven’t made friends here. Pretty
much the people I know are my fam and a few of their friends. I don’t have Kimberly Beatrice Butler
and Ashley Huber taking me around Phuket for the day. I don’t have my sweet Kelly Mulderig who loves better than
just about anyone I know. I don’t
have Amanda Howard to leave me little messages about how awesome I am (which
only goes to show you how awesome she is). I don’t have birthday cards from Team Lionheart, and notes
and cards from all the lovely ladies with me at SHE ministries in Thailand to
make my 23rd birthday one of my very most favorites. I also don’t have all these people to
encourage me in my day-to-day dealing with Jesus. Which I think is what I most took for granted about the
World Race. I miss the people, the
places, and all the little things living abroad is, but most of all I miss the
closeness I had with my Savior throughout those months. Don’t get me wrong, I had some
angry-at-Jesus moments but in general I felt like my relationship with Him,
through the Spirit, to the Father was so much more than it had ever been. It was glorious.
I’ve spent the past almost year with my family in Oklahoma,
and honestly I haven’t been my best self.
I haven’t loved like Christ loves me. I don’t know that I’ve shown my family anything remotely
like the love I showed to my squad mates and the people I met throughout the
Race. So pretty much I’ve done a
lot of things that need forgiving.
Thank God. Thank you God
for recognizing us even in our depravity.
Thank you God for loving us regardless of what we believe about
you. Thank you God that today you
gave up someone you loved more than we can possibly fathom, all so that we
could know the immense love you have for us. I’m so sorry Lord, that I had even one moment of frustration
that I had to “share” my birthday with the day of Your Son’s death. Thank you Father for being love, even
while you are just. Thank you
Jesus for giving up all so that we may know the Father. Thank you Spirit for communicating our
hearts when our words fail us.
I know I haven’t blogged in quite some time, but like I said
I haven’t been all that interested in what Jesus had to say. Today, the most precious birthday gift
was given, not just to me, but to everyone. In Him we are born again, given a new “birthday” and a new
life. I can’t imagine a better
birthday gift than that. Thank
you. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
