I know, I’ve kept y’all at the edge of your seats. How was the rest of her race? Did she even make it back to America?
Well six (almost seven) months later I am here to inform you that I am home, safe and planted. Not that you didn’t already know that because well it is 2019 and some of you may even have me on Find my Friends.
So I’ve moved in with a family friend in Vinings and I am their “live in nanny,” but it’s been so much more than that. It has been a place of love, rest and joy, but I’m not here to talk about that.
I’ve been meaning to write a blog. To tie up 11 months in a perfect, pretty bow, but that has prevented me from writing a final blog at all. So, here it is. It’s not going to be perfect and I will probably forget some things, but here we go.
First of all, I want to thank you for your love and support! This year quite literally could not have happened without you. I still can’t believe we raised $17,700! Every single penny, shirt, stacked card, and go ring purchased seriously helped me share the love of Jesus around the world.
So here are eleven points that stick out to me when I think about what Jesus used the World Race to teach me. I’m not going to lie, there’s some raw and vulnerable stuff in here, so I hope you feel encouraged!
1. I’m a lot more stubborn than I thought
I have a confession.
At the beginning of the World Race, I wanted it to be over. Not that I didn’t want to do the World Race, but I knew it was going to be difficult and push (force?) a lot of growth. If I’m honest, I wanted to be on the other side of the fire without going through the hard stuff.
The feedback. Debriefs. I honestly didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. I learned real fast that I am a lot more stubborn than I thought.
It sounds simple and maybe even a little silly, but when you can’t go home and close your door on something it makes you have to deal with it head on. I mean you can avoid it, but you’ll explode eventually, for sure. Maybe this is what happens in marriages? There’s no hiding. I spent a lot of my childhood and well honestly life hiding. Hiding in front of a television or some sort of screen. To numb away the reality of the outside world. I didn’t really realize I was doing it but when you have no where to hide, you realize that you’re out in the open. Naked and afraid? Like Adam and Eve.
2. How dark and deep sin is
Alright so we all know about sin. It’s explained at VBS when we were younger (TBH I never went to VBS but I learned it somewhere along the way). It’s a condition that all humans have. A heart condition some may say. The only thing that can save us is Jesus, so He did because He loves us so much. I don’t mean to skidadle through the gospel so quickly, but it’s easy to become numb to the sin around us. It feels normal? Like its naturally apart of every day life, because well honestly it is. This past year I saw kids on the streets controlled by men, dancers in the bars who make a living pleasing men, poverty all around the world, prostitutes standing on street corners, and so many more heart wrenching things.
Sin is deep. Sin is dark. Sin is everywhere. It was fairly easy to turn off my emotions when seeing these things. It was in your face and every day. You can’t spend every day crying, but that doesn’t mean you should stop feeling (I’m working on it). The first domino of sin was knocked over by Adam and Eve, and the dominos continue to fall each and every day. Generational sin is real. People get stuck and really don’t have a choice but to sell themselves on the streets. I can’t say I’d make any better decisions if I was in their shoes. It’s a matter of survival. Each day is a battle.
For myself, sometimes it’s a battle to even get out of bed, to get the little things done and do what I know is what’s best for myself. So yeah, seeing how dark sin is really makes the gospel that much more sweet. Because we are really freaking broken and we really needed a Savior. Or else what would the point be? I get it some people have a hard time believing in God because the world is so broken, but I see it the other way around. The world is so broken there is NO WAY that there isn’t a God or else what would the freaking point of all of this be?
Lauren Daigle’s song, “Look Up Child”, opens with “Where are you now, when darkness seems to win? Where are you now, when the world is crumbling? Oh I, I hear you say look up child.” We don’t have the full view of what’s happening. We can’t see 20 dominos ahead of what we see right in front of us, but Jesus does. And He is here. And darkness is not dark to Him. He is in those dark spaces even if we can’t see Him. He loves those people and wants them to know Him so deeply. So why doesn’t He show up in everyone’s dreams or speak down from heaven? I don’t know, but I do know He gave us free will and for those of us who know Him, our only job is to go and make disciples, so go and do it. Find Jesus is the dark spaces, because you bet your bottom dolla He’s there.
3. God knows the desires of our hearts, but He wants us to tell him anyways
So, obviously God knows the desires of our hearts, but He wants us to tell Him. He wants to talk to us daily. He could just dictate everything-who you marry and what your job is, but he considers what we enjoy and what we don’t. He wants to know. He wants to provide. It builds a relationship with Jesus to tell him the desires with your heart. To really trust Him with them. It’s kind of scary to ask for something you might not get. I know I’ve heard people talk about how specifically Jesus answered prayers, yet I doubt. That wouldn’t happen to me, so I don’t ask. But that’s not fully trusting Jesus. Share your dreams and desires with Him. Build that relationship so that you can rejoice with Him when it comes true, even if it doesn’t happen exactly on how you planned it, God may exceed your dreams. You just have to let go of your grip and give it to Him to see what He does with it.
4. Hearing the Lord’s Voice
Hearing the Lord’s voice was a funny thing to me before the race. I’m not sure why I didn’t think God could speak to me, considering He created not only me but all things, but I just couldn’t get that in my head. Over this year I learned how to discern the Lord’s voice. I learned how to hear Him in others’ words and how to take a moment and listen to Him in the still moments. It took me a while to be confident in hearing His voice, because sometimes it’s difficult to discern if it is your thoughts or the Lord speaking. He has taught me things through epiphanies and words during worship. One of the coolest things has been hearing Jesus through other people. It really makes life that much more sweet to invite Jesus into conversation daily.
5. Shame
Back to the hiding things. I read a Brené Brown book or two and wow she really opened my eyes to shame. For years I have shamed myself. I have been my own biggest stumbling block. I get in my own way all. the. time. I tell myself I’m not good enough. That I shouldn’t have this or that opinion. Really that I shouldn’t feel a certain way.
If you’re a mean girl to yourself and cannot be honest with yourself, then you can’t move forward. You live life on a treadmill. Walking on and on in the same place. How do you get out? You bring what you’ve been hiding in the darkness to light. To Jesus. To those who love you. They will walk through it will you and then they can rejoice with you in the small victories. We weren’t meant to do this alone. Invite others in. Open up. Be vulnerable.
The reality is you’re probably not the only one feeling the way you’re feeling, but unless you speak up you cannot connect to others who have been or are in your similar shoes. You may have done something bad, but you are not bad. Jesus does not see you as all of the mistakes you have made. He sees you as His beloved child. The twinkle in His eye. We need to take a look in the mirror and see what Jesus sees, not what our inner mean girl sees. To see ourselves and others with His eyes will change how we live your lives.
6. Even though, it is well
Life is hard. It’s not easy at all. Getting up can be a battle. Just to survive you have to work so dang hard. Shit happens. Those who you love so deeply cannot see what is lovable inside themselves. You fall. Stumble. Fall into sin. Others will hurt you. Accidents happen. People get sick. Life is hard. It doesn’t make sense.
But in the chaos. In the mess. In the Valley. It is well. Even though, it is well. God walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death and it is well in those times. The Hiding Place is the perfect example of this. Corrie TenBoom is in the middle of a concentration camp and she is thanking Jesus for the flees. She is thankful for everything. Not just the good things. And in her perseverance to fix her eyes on Jesus, her life was spared and she was able to share her story to thousands of people to show them how good God is even though she went through hell.
Life is hard, but dark is not dark to God. He wants you to find Him in those places. He is the silver lining. He is hope. He is peace. You can find it if you look for it.
7. Identity
If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen that I have written a few blogs about flowers and the lessons they have brought to light in my life. The biggest lesson that I have learned from not only flowers, but creation is that God made us each unique. different & intricately in our mothers’ wombs.
I’ve spent a lot of my life looking to those around me to tell me who I am or what I should be. I don’t think I really ever gave myself time to be me. I also think I’m a little hard on myself looking back and don’t give myself a lot of credit, but I did tend to go along with the crowd and do what others wanted to do. I wouldn’t necessarily join in but I was right there on the side lines.
This year I was empowered to learn more about myself. I really thought about things. That sounds silly, but I really began to think about why you say certain things or why certain things happen. I didn’t just accept everything. I allowed myself to question, which I don’t think I really allowed myself to do before.
I’ve started to see who Jesus has made me to be. To see the passions and desires. To use my words and express my feelings.
Jesus really put people around me who loved me fully. I was able to take down some masks I have subconsciously put on. I was able to let go and be me. To be fully known and fully loved. That’s how we are loved by Jesus. He wants us how He made us, not how we want the world to perceive us.
Not being yourself is robbing the world of an entity of Jesus. Pretending to be like those around you and not exploring who you are is not only hurting yourself but the world.
So I learned a lot about identity and I have been empowered to be the most me, me the world has seen.
8. Enneagram 9
I know, the enneagram is all the buzz right now. I get it. You probably either love it or don’t want to hear about it. But let me tell you, learning about the enneagram gave me 3D glasses to the live the life I was living and seeing in 2D. That might sound dramatic, and maybe it is but it’s so true. So, in month five I learned that I was a type nine. The more I dove into what a nine is the more my mind was blown. It was like someone had taken Miss. Frizzle and the Magic School Bus into my brain and written everything down. Things that I hadn’t even pieced together yet. So, I could go on and on about this (if you’ve seen me since being home you’ve probably already heard my spiel), so I’m just going to encourage you to revisit or learn about the enneagram and your number and the number of those around you. It really has helped my self development and relationships with others.
9. Inaction is Action
Have you ever seen To The Boys I Loved Before? A classic 2018 Netflix chick flick with real deep life lessons. Well, the plot is about this gal Laura Jean who writes love letters to each crush when she has one. She of course doesn’t send it out, but somehow they end up in the mail. These boys confront her and well I’ll let you watch it to figure out what happens (you seriously should-it’s so good), but Laura Jean’s fears taught me something. She didn’t tell who she liked when she liked them. She thought she was invisible, living her life and affecting no one, which is kind of how I have lived my life before; I have thought that by not acting or showing up doesn’t affect anyone else but myself. To take myself out of the equation is to save myself and potentially others from hurt and pain.
But at the end of the day, inaction is action. Not showing up actually does hurt people. Not saying how you feel and being present does affect those around you. Sitting on the couch and living like a fly on a wall is no way to live. Jesus calls us to live abundantly. Fully. Filled with joy. That cannot happen if you isolate yourself from the world and live through novels and movies. It can only happen when you let go, get out there and walk hand in hand with Jesus.
10. What breaks your heart? That’s your mission.
So, in El Salvador we were in a bible study and our translator just started preaching and adding onto the meat of what the speaker was saying. And wow, it resonated with my soul. At the end of the day we cannot fix everything. We can’t make sure everyone has clean water, save all the kiddos who don’t have homes, take all the people off of the streets or out of prison and help. We cannot do it all, but we can start somewhere.
But where? Well, you have to figure out what breaks your heart in this moment. It may change one year maybe even ten years down the line, and that’s okay. Go out and serve. Go to the dark places. Look at your story. What pulls your heart strings? What keeps you up at night? What puts the fire in your soul? It’ll look different for everyone, but if everyone helps where they feel pulled, then Jesus will use us in those places to make the world a better place. So, whatever breaks your heart, that’s your mission.
My mission? What pulled on my heart strings the most? Kids. Orphans. One day I aspire to foster and adopt kiddos one day. My host month 8 taught me that there is always room at the table. There is always room. My prayer for my future is that I can take the lessons I learned in Belize and that I can cultivate a family that is always willing to make room for those who need a home.
11. Well, I learned that I really enjoy writing.
Blogging has been an awesome outlet. Un-jumbling the thoughts in my brain to encourage readers is really empowering. So, if you want to continue to journey through my epiphanies, thoughts and lessons from Jesus with me head on over to https://lifeonpurpose.travel.blog/ and click the lil follow button!!!
I know that was a lot, so if you’ve made it this far, thank you for sticking it out-I hope you were encouraged the things I learned last year. And if you just scrolled down to the bottom past all the meat in this juicy essay, I’m still thankful for ya for showing up.
I cannot thank y’all enough for following this once in a life time journey with me. For supporting my financially. For loving me unconditionally. And really most importantly, for believing in me.
You are fully known and fully loved.
Lindsay Out
