I have a way with words, apparently- at least some people say as much. I think I more have a way of not being able to shut up (no matter, I’m working on it). Nonetheless, as I read A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller this “gift” or “problem” with words, depending on how you look at it, consumes my mind at the same rate the crack addicts I ministered to on Wednesday take their hits. Frequently.
Some of these thoughts are questions that Miller brings up like, “Am I living a good story?” Others are my own like, “What will my life look like as a Red Rocks intern?” or “Will I continue writing?” Others are merely thoughts, that come and go and return again at the right time, like the tide.
And on Wednesday I realized stories and words are kind of like crack. Hang with me for a second- if you’re like me, you think “Bridesmaids” is hilarious. But if you’re like Amaris, my best friend, you think “‘Bridesmaids’ is disgusting, and any Disney movie is better” (tbh, I don’t think I can disagree with this). Either way, the stories of “Bridesmaids” and “Frozen” provide the same result as crack- it’s an escape, a different life. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think watching movies is a bad thing. In fact, I encourage them. I do, however, think we like movies so much because they depict some sort of great story, and for some reason we are caught in a lie that our own story isn’t as good.
I can’t help but wonder if this is how Laura feels. Actually, I’m confident it is. As I write this my mind flashes back to Wednesday night, where I saw literally hundreds of people smoking crack rather than attempt to escape the smell of sewage that burns inside their nostrils while walking the street. They sat on the curb, situating the white crystals into their pipes before settling in for a quick hit. Laura sat clutching her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth, swimming in her blue rain jacket and looking no more than 16, but saying she was 25. We asked to pray for her, her big and bloodshot, blue eyes darting back and forth with a barely audible raspy voice containing the response of “si.” We wanted specifics though- what does your heart crave, Laura? Her response? For God just to get her “out of here.” My heart broke, and with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I began to pray. She just wants a different story.
I have a friend, who at the beginning of the year would be timid with sharing her testimony, prefacing it with “It’s not exciting,” or “I don’t have a good testimony.” LIES. In the words of a Red Rocks Church pastor, “If you have a testimony that you haven’t wrecked your life because Jesus has been apart of it the whole time, you have the best testimony in the world.” So what about the crack addicts that don’t know Jesus? I still have hope for their stories. Each and every story is good- sometimes the chapters are bad. Heck, sometimes the whole book is bad. But, man, even in those books you find that one sentence that rocks your world. This is my hope for Laura. That she would find that one sentence, and it would finally all connect, and she could start living her better story.
It makes me sad, thinking about that night. But it also gives me a lot of hope. I have hope because I know that God is the author of all our stories. It’s just up to us if we follow His outline or not. I think of the times I strayed from the outline and tried to write my own story. I think about the bad chapters, and how the Lord used the next 10 to redeem that one. I think how Laura is just stuck in a bad chapter, and just needs a little encouragement to go back to the author’s intention.
In his book, Miller addresses that all stories have a purpose and I agree. So if all stories have a purpose, then so do all lives. I’m a big believer that life is about looking more like Jesus- I really don’t think the meaning of life is all that difficult of a question. Yes, God wonderfully crafted you and me and the person sitting across from you in your office. Yes, we are all uniquely different and have special gifts. Yes, each and every story is different. But the ending isn’t supposed to be different. Spoiler alert: it’s for you to worship God at His throne in Heaven. And you get there by going through a lot of character transformation- because when you stop living for yourself and start living for God, His Holy Spirit changes you at your very core, and you end up looking more like Jesus.
At one point in his book Miller references his experience at a story workshop ran by Robert McKee. McKee told his class, “‘Writing a story isn’t about making your peaceful fantasies come true. The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn’t think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when conflict is over. But it’s conflict that changes a person” (Miller, p. 180).
This makes me think about my chapters of conflict. I remember times where I was angry with God, asking why certain things happened. And I realize that God never promised us happiness, he promised us rest. Our lives were never supposed to be about “peaceful fantasies” but about glorifying God. Now, listen to me when I say that I don’t think God wants bad things to happen- but I do think He will use all things for good (Romans 8:28). Every piece of joy is a gift, every good thing is a gift (James 1:17).
So to you, the one who is in the midst of a conflict…
I am so sorry. I’m sorry that we live in a broken world and that I can’t do anything to fix it. Please remember though, the Lord can. “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
I hope you find your next chapter of your story- it’s a good one, it contains joy- and I can’t wait to hear it.
