Here’s an (almost) open prayer to God- what can I say? Some things need to just be between us. But, some stories are meant to be shared.
September 6, 2017
Lord,
I LOVE Nepal. It’s only been 24 hours but I just know this place is special Amaris, Alex, Heather, and I met a Pastor named Razu. I have never seen someone so joyful.
I’m excited to see what you have in store for this month. I prayed a very bold prayer when our plane was landing yesterday. I prayed that You would wreck me and my heart this month. I want my heart completely renewed I’m You by the time I leave Nepal. This month I pray for Ephesians 3:16-19. That I will be strengthened in my inner being with Your spirit, that You would dwell in my heart, that I will be rooted and firmly established in love, and that I would walk away from Nepal able to comprehend the length, width, height, and depth of Your love. Lord, make me more like Jesus. This part scares me… whatever it takes.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Let’s all take a moment to appreciate my stupidity. “Wreck me.” “Make me more like Jesus.” “Whatever it takes.”
MY LEGS, LORD, REALLY?!
I thought it was going to be a wrecking of my heart, not my body.
Now, let’s look at my prayer from Saturday:
Lord,
Seriously, you’re going to make the naturalist stay at home (most of my friends were hiking the Himalayas or adventuring in another town) when the only thing that could provide me comfort right now is Your creation? You really think this is the process? I know I said wreck me. But you’ve just left me in this mess.
I guess I’ll just wait.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
So yeah, I was bitter. Actually, I still am bitter. I walked 5 miles today and my legs are EXHAUSTED. That’s a fat joke. So yeah, I’m pretty angry with God. I feel sad and empty. But I asked for it.
Today while reading through Mark 15, I realized He really is making me more like Jesus. You see, when Jesus was being crucified, he yelled, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Mark 15: 34).
Jesus was in pain. I am in pain. I feel broken and like God has abandoned me. But after it all, Jesus was closer to God than ever before.
I guess I’ll just wait.
“I pray that he may grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with power in your inner being through His spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
~Ephesian 3:16-19
