Training camp.
There’s a lot I could say on the topic, but for the sake of any future racers eyes potentially stumbling upon this, MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
What I CAN speak of, however, is how God wrecked every part I thought I knew of myself and is rebuilding me into the woman I truly am in Christ. He broke me apart each day for the purpose of piecing me back together.
Did you know that God actually WANTS to communicate with you? I walked into training camp thinking I had my fair share of knowledge on the topic of faith, prayer, blah, blah, blah. Come to find out I HAVE NO CLUE.
Let me pitch you a scenario. (Real life.)
My mentor and squad leaders Teresa, Tera and Molly Fae ( they da bomb *insert bomb emoji* I literally speak in emoji’s so it’s a real struggle that this blog doesn’t recognize them. *insert eye-roll emoji*) had all the girls of the squad sit in a big ‘ole circle to debrief one night. What this particular night looked like was praying with the intent of what this next month will look like before we launch on the race. Teresa’s words were “I want each of you to ask God, ‘What will this month of living in freedom look like’ and He will tell you because He speaks to His children. Whether it be with words or pictures, He will speak. We’ll take about 5 minutes.”
My initial response: 5 minutes? Yeah right. Sometimes I pray to God for weeks at a time without an answer.
But He did. He showed up and He spoke directly to me. Very clear.
I saw yellow.
I saw joy.
I saw freedom.
I saw BRIGHT lights.
I saw a field with wildflowers and sunbeams.
I saw confidence.
I saw many other pictures that were personal and direct to my next season of freedom. But then the coolest part is, He didn’t just speak to me. He spoke to the whole squad of ladies. And every vision, every word- it all aligned. I couldn’t count the amount of other women in my circle that saw the same fields I did. I can’t tell you how many of us saw bright lights and sunbeams. I can’t tell you how many of us got a word of “joy.” Very direct. Very clear.
You guys- LISTENING PRAYER IS NO JOKE.
It was the first time I realized that my Creator longs to communicate to me. Directly. Not through books or blogs or podcasts. But HIM. TO ME. With HIS voice. When I give Him the time, He responds loud and clear.
A recurring vision that I constantly saw at training was myself standing in front of a door. The door only had one doorknob on my side. I am the one who has to open it to the Holy Spirit because He is always on the other side anticipating and ready for me to crack that door open and fill me up.
The initial invitation was on my terms. But that door has been busted open and I’m freaking ready to keep opening it up to get filled up and pour out overflowing to my hometown + these 11 countries.
Jesus is so much greater than my human understanding. He is deeper, longer and wider than the box I tend to put Him in.
Which brings me to my next announcement. I was chosen to be the logistics coordinator of my squad.
What this means is that my logistics partners and myself will be in charge of moving our squad from country to country, itinerary, communication, etc. Essentially if my squad is the body, logistics is the nervous system. We are the team of people that make the hands and feet move to do what needs to get done.
No big deal.
I literally walked into training camp thinking to myself “I don’t have the leadership skills to apply myself to any position, so I’ll play the background.”
I kid you not. That was a real thought. Jokes on me.
When I sat in the meeting as they discussed what my responsibilities were I kept telling myself “Are you kidding? You are so irresponsible. You are not organized. You can hardly get from one place to the next successfully, how do you expect to get 60 people from one place to the next on an international level.”
I walked out of that meeting on the hunt for my squad leaders to make sure they didn’t make a mistake in picking me. They reassured me that God did, in fact, lead them to my name because of my outgoing personality and responsibility. Teresa’s words were “Your ‘yes’ means more to us than our ‘yes.’ Pray and ask God “Why me?” and He WILL tell you.” She followed this with “let me know by the end of the day.” It was like 3pm at this point. * Insert wide-eyed emoji *
So I sat down in the midst of chaos as the rest of my squad was practicing different routines to use in a potential children’s ministry scenario. It was loud, full of singing and laughter and joy. In the meantime I’m literally struggling through inner turmoil as I’m trying to figure out what the heck I’m getting myself into.
“Okay God. Who says You can’t speak to me in a room full of people? Go ahead, I’m ready. Why did You choose me?”
Not even a second later, His response poured out.
“Stop looking through your eyes and start looking through Mine.
You are chosen.
You are responsible.
You are compassionate.
You are organized.
You are balanced.
You are capable.
You are reliable.
You are trustworthy.
You are called. I will never give you something you are incapable of achieving with Me by your side.”
He continued to strip me of lies I’ve spoken over myself for so long, and clothed me with His truths.
Needless to say, I accepted the position. I accepted with total peace in knowing He will make it all work out. And I promise to give Him the glory as He works through my weaknesses.
All that to say, don’t doubt that He doesn’t care to speak to you. He’s ready and waiting to pour out His truths. Don’t doubt your value. We have value because God put a price tag on our life through Jesus Christ and deemed us valuable. Don’t rob the Kingdom of your gift. He’s ready to use you and work through whatever you’re willing to offer Him-even if it means working through your weak areas. Especially if it means working through your weak areas.
Sometimes handing over your life to Him is scary, and He’ll call you to do scary things. But push past the fear and do it scared. He’ll never let you do it alone.
“With this assurance, Brother Lawrence wasn’t afraid of anything. He added that He wasn’t afraid of dying to self or losing himself in Christ, because complete surrender to God’s will is the only secure road to follow. In it, there is always enough light to assure safe travel.”
– The Practice of the Presence of God
“When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:14-19
