Dear Reader,
Wow, 3 months goes by fast. I can’t believe this is the last letter from Africa! #Asiabound. It hurts; I’m not going to lie. But it’s been real and it’s been real fun, so here’s a recap of some fun things from this past month.
1. Over everything that I learned what this month taught me is that 90% of the time, I’m wrong. And that’s actually giving myself grace. 98% is probably more accurate. When I look in the mirror, I’m quick to think I’m ugly. When I talk to my teammates, I’m quick to think I’m unheard. I’m quick to believe and speak over myself a lot of lies. Maybe you are too. But let me tell you, Jesus never said any of that about you. He never said you’re forgotten, unheard, overlooked, ugly, or not good enough. He says all of the opposite. And He proved it with the cross.
Something I’ve done this month to help combat the lies is looking in the mirror every morning and telling myself that I am beautiful. I’ll keep saying it until I believe it.
I also write on my wrist everyday some things Jesus told me this month as a constant reminder: “You are my beautiful daughter because I said so, and what I say is true. You are not unheard, you are not overlooked.”
Reader, you’re loved and adored. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it with every breath.
2. J-Bay has been pretty great. Imagine San Diego vibes with South African accents and hospitality. In other words, paradise. From the moment we arrived, I saw the coast and smelled the fresh air and I knew it was going to be a difficult month. Why difficult, you ask? Well after Swaziland, this was a major culture shock. In Swazi I was covered in dirt with only one restaurant 20 minutes away if I was lucky enough to catch a taxi. Now I live in the Billabong capital of the world with a bed, a shower, Wi-Fi that works (most of the time. Kind of.) and restaurants +cafes on every corner near me. After all of my growth from Swazi, this month it was extremely easy to gravitate to my comforts. It’s a total mental game. I have to tell myself constantly that I am not deprived and that whatever Jesus gives me is enough. I do not, in fact, need a milkshake everyday. For the love. *eye-roll emoji*
All that to say, this month has been one of the hardest thus far, but it has prepared me well for what it could look like when I return home. As much as I miss coffee and chik-fil-a, I won’t need it everyday when I get home. Thanks JBay for teaching me that in advance.
3. Another thing that made JBay even cooler is Victory church. Ya’ll this church rocks. It reminds me a lot of Southridge church back home, which gave me all the fuzzies. They are closely affiliated with Hillsong, so I had the pleasure of hearing their famous guest speaker, Lee Burns speak. He’s legit. He’s the Exec VP of Hillsong, in case you’re unsure of whom I speak of.
He had lots of great things to say, but my favorite is when he started talking about approval from God.
I grew up in the church and I don’t have this crazy story of transformation per se. Yes He’s changed me, and yes I have a story worthy of telling, but when people ask how long I’ve been a Christian, it’s kind of been my whole life. There have been moments in my life where that was boring and I believed the lie that I didn’t have a story worth telling, but there have also been moments of pride where I have also believed the lie that I am “more Christian” than the person who just discovered Jesus last year. Whatever that means. It’s stupid, I know, but I never understood how God doesn’t show favoritism. I knew He didn’t, but my mind just never comprehended it. How does God love me the same as Paul, C.S. Lewis, and the person who just gave their life to Jesus yesterday?
Lee put this into perspective for me. He talked about his children and cracked some jokes. He explained that his 12 year old son is no more a son than his 7 year old son. He explained that they are both Burns’ and it would be ridiculous to settle a dispute over who is “more of a son.” They are both his children, they are both approved and loved by him. Just because one is 5 years older, it doesn’t make him any more a son than the younger. Neither of them have bragging rights, because they are both Burns, cherished and loved by their father.
I am no more, no less and heir of God than anyone else who has given their life to Jesus. No bragging rights, because we’re all heirs.
4. Before you read another word, please watch this video in full:
Brene Brown is my girl. I freaking love her. And this video plays a huge roll in the story I’m about to tell.
October has always been a month of grief for me because 10 years ago my best friend DJ Epperson passed away from a skateboarding accident. It wrecked me. It wrecked DJ’s family, and it wrecked my family too.
I was talking with my squad leader, Andrew, and he posed the question “Have you truly wept over DJ’s death.” In my mind the answer was clear, “of course.” But the more I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t.
The next morning I was reading in Hebrews 9 and 10. I read about the old covenant and how in the Old Testament people had to conduct animal sacrifices and such to cleanse their sins. In chapter 10 it talks about how Jesus is the perfect and final sacrifice.
I already knew these things. But that morning I really pondered it. It’s really weird. I was really honest with God that morning and asked “why?” It’s weird that blood had to be shed for sins to be forgiven. I thought about how creepy it is. I felt a little guilty, because my heart knows that God is good, but in this moment my head thought God was weird. I asked God why, but something I always tell myself when my questions are left unanswered – the error is in my understanding, and never in Gods. So I accepted the fact that it might not click, and that’s okay.
That same morning Andrew showed me this Brene Brown video. And it clicked.
“In order for forgiveness to happen, something has to die.”
In modern day terms, if someone offends me and forgiveness needs to happen, my pride has to die. If someone lets me down, my expectations have to be let go in order for forgiveness to occur.
In order for forgiveness to happen, something has to die. And Jesus chose the cross for all of our sake, because He knew true freedom was worth it.
“But as it is, He has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. So Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him.”
Hebrews 9:26-28
It wasn’t long after that, Jesus showed me a local skate park, reminded me of DJ, and invited me to the beach so that I could let go of some expectations, forgive, and properly weep with Him over DJ.
Reader, Jesus loves you. He chose you. And my favorite of all, He weeps with you.
“Love is not a victory march. It is a cold and broken Hallelujah.” –Leonard Cohen
5. This month I encountered a lot of people wanting to know the meaning of my name. Oddly, like, SO many people asking me what my name means. And if you know me, you know that I’ve probably had this bitter conversation with you before. From my previous research, “Lindsay” derived from the Linden tree somewhere in France or something lame. And “Marie” means “sea of bitterness.” Which explains why I wasn’t thrilled to have the conversation of the meaning of my name with these lovely South Africans. But thanks to a few conversations, some research on their end, and a cool Afrikaans book on names- I have found that my name is actually really legit.
Lindsay derives from the variant “Linda” or “Lindi” which on it’s own is a Germanic name that means “serpent.” Snakes were regarded as sacred and bringers of good luck. “Lind” refers to divinity and suppleness. It thus means “beautiful and noble girl.” This also derives from “shield” and it thus means “beautiful shield.”
“The bearer is a beautiful child of God and is protected by the shield of faith.”
Psalm 3:3
The Afrikaans version of my name is “Lindiwe” and this means “girl hoped for.”
“She is a bringer of hope and life to those around her, reflecting the glory and hope that we have in Jesus.”
Romans 5:2
Marie derives from “Mary” which comes from the Hebrew word “Myhre” or “Mara” meaning “bitter.” (bummer) BUT! I have good news!
“The Isrealites came to the bitter water of Mara. Even though the water tasted bitter, it was rich in minerals and would have cleansed their system from the parasites.
Another explanation of the name is “child hoped for,” which refers to Jesus.
The name implies purity from within. Jesus had to drink the bitter cup of Mara, thus die on the cross for us to have the victory. Mary also had to go through the pain and bitterness of seeing her son on the cross, in order for us to have the victory. Victory and joy have thus been born through pain.”
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Revelation 21:4
6. Love Does by Bob Goff. I’ve been reading it and you should too. It’s a total life changer. I love him. He’s great. Do yourself a favor and go buy it and read it right now. There’s not one chapter that’s my favorite, because with every word I read, it gets better and better. It reminded me to go places and do things and make people not only feel good, but to let them know that they are loved. Bob is great at communicating love. And it’s been such a healthy reminder for me this month that love does.
“That’s because love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or planning for it. Simply put: love does.”
Bob Goff
Love always,
Linds
