You Have
to Die With Her
I’m sad to say that things don’t seem anymore hopeful since
the last time I wrote, but I do believe I’m learning one of the biggest lessons
of my life. I’m learning what it means
to die with her. Can I save her?…No.
Can I turn thing around and make it all better?…No. All I can do is be with
her. All I can do is feel with her. All I can do is cry with her. All I can do is go through the process of dying
with her.
I didn’t expect her situation to affect me in the way it did. I’m not good with death and I’m usually good
about keeping my distance when things seem hopeless, but God did not let me
escape this one. In fact, I believe He
is asking me to walk through the process of dying with her. Who is she? Her name is Dudu, and she is the young 26 year old woman who offered to
give away her baby last week.
It all started last Wednesday when her aunt came to us and
asked if we would drive Dudu to the hospital. We knew that the virus had already progressed to AIDS and that TB was
quickly taking away all her strength and energy. She was skin and bones and was unable to
control her body from twitching. The
night before a huge storm had rolled through the area changing the weather
drastically and challenging the strength of anyone who was ill. It all seemed hopeless.
Pastor Gift was absent for the day and our team was left
with a difficult decision. What do we do? We were asked not give anything away without
permission, due to extreme jealousy in the community, and we were clueless as
to where the hospital was. The storms
had cut off cell phone communication leaving us with few answers. I knew what I wanted to do, but no one else
agreed.
My heart broke on the way home. What if it was me? What if I was Dudu? What if I had AIDS and was suffering from TB
and my only hope of transportation to the hospital just walked away without
looking back? What would that mean for
me and what would that mean for my four month old baby? As much as I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears. Before we arrived home I had expressed my
frustration to the others, but again the response was not what I expected. I was hopeless and helpless to help her and I
could not stop the tears for hours.
The next day wasn’t any better. I childishly retreated to my ipod and keeping
my distance from the rest of the group. A heaviness was lingering and I could not get rid of it. I coasted through my day and tried not to
feel the pain like I did the day before. That evening the group confronted me on the issue again and tried to
express their reasons behind their decision. I agree they had good points, but something still wasn’t right. Yes, she will die regardless of whether or
not we take her to the hospital, but are we right in making that decision? Still frustrated, I went to sleep early trying
to escape the overwhelming emotions of the past two days.
Finally my answer came to me Friday morning. I woke up early with disappointment and
heaviness still weighing me down. I
decided I need to go for a run and forced myself to get up. While I was running I suddenly saw a huge
giraffe standing on the opposite side of the road about 10 yards away from me. It was huge and it was beautiful and it was
an answer to prayer. I know it sounds
silly, but I have been asking God if He loves me for the past two weeks and I
kept asking for a sign. I wanted Him to
send me a giraffe. For two weeks God was
silent, and now when all my hope was gone… He gave me my giraffe. I knew clearly that God was saying, “I love
you, but I’m going to do things in My timing…not yours!”
When I got back to the campsite, Krystle came running up to
me and told me that Pastor Gift wanted someone to accompany Dudu to the
hospital and we had to go to the Community Center as soon we could. We rushed to get there and before we left for
the hospital Pastor Gift expressed his heart to our group. He explained that there is a lot of
hopelessness in this place, but God has called us to a ministry of
presence. We need to simply be here for
those who are dying. He said that the
hospital will not save Dudu from dying, but if she wants to go we need to bring
her. He said it is his goal to bring her
all the dignity and respect he can before she dies. Then he said the one thing that will stick
with me for a long time. He said, “We
can’t save her, but we can die with her….we need to learn to die with
her.”
That day I decided to start dying with Dudu. With her strength completely gone, her burdens
quickly became our burdens as Krystle and I carried her from room to room, from
doctor to doctor. The diagnosis was
devastating. The doctors said she had
been mistreated for TB and she was now around stage IV instead of stage II, and
to make things worse she also had developed meningitis. It was a long day of emotions, tears, and
pain, but I was wrong…I was wrong to think that there is no hope.
There is Hope! Jesus
promised us His hope! He died on a cross and bore the punishment of our sins so
we might live! We get so caught up in
our lives that we often forget what this means. Death no longer has a hold on us! Our bodies may die, but those who put
their trust in Jesus will live in eternity with Him. Jesus promised that he was going to prepare a
place for us in heaven. He said,
“Do
not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it
were not so, I would not have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I
will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am.”
John
14:1-3
Dudu believes in God and has accepted the salvation that
comes through believing in Jesus. She
knows that in a few short days she will finally be healed from all her
suffering. I believe right now that
Jesus is standing beside her and holding her hand, and when she is ready He
will walk with her into the presence of God. We often wonder why God doesn’t change the world, but He has. He is preparing eternity for those who will chose
to believe in Him.
“Then
I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth
had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw a new Jerusalem, coming
down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her
husband. And I heard a loud voice from
the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with
them. They will be his people and God himself will be with them and be their
God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or
mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am
making all things new!”
Revelation 21:1-5
I will continue to die with Dudu
until the Lord calls her home, but part of it is ensuring that her baby is
taken care of. Little Snethemba (which
means “we have hope, we have faith”) is four months old and might also have
TB. I was able to take him to the clinic
yesterday and he is now being treated for a chest infection. In a week I will bring him to the hospital if
it does not clear up to be tested for TB and to get him started on his ARV’s
(medication for those with HIV or those at risk of HIV). He is too young to be tested for HIV, but
please be praying for this adorable little baby. Pray for his healing and pray that he is free
of HIV. I will continue to update you on
Dudu and Snethemba as time goes on. Please
keep us all in your prayers!
