The month of September is coming to a close. I reflect back at what I was doing in September a year ago. I was well into my second year of teaching, I dressed up on a regular basis, I went on various getaways with family and friends, I could drive anywhere I wanted to whenever I wanted to, I lived by myself, etc. When people looked at me they thought that I had a great life and I did. However, as I lived that great life, there was something more that I was longing for. A feeling deep inside me that told me I was called to do something more with my life at this given time.
This brings me to this September. I have no job or income that I am solely earning, I dress in workout clothes more often than not, I have gone on various getaways with individuals I have really known for a month or less, I do not have a car or the capability to go somewhere on my own, I now live with 25 people or more. I sweat regularly, my clothes, although clean, have a stingy smell to them and I have more bug bites on my legs then I would care to count. Some might read this and think…this is the “something” that you were longing for? This is a fair question. In fact, I would be lying if I said that I have not struggled this month with the various things listed above. I have thought, “Is this trip really the thing that I was longing to do?”
So as I sit here itching away at my bug bites, I realize that everything I have listed above are physical issues. I find myself wondering how often I get caught up in the minuscule things of this life rather than taking a moment to look and deal with bigger issues at hand. Being stripped away of my comfort and security has allowed me to spend more time face to face with The Lord. During these encounters, He brought to light some areas of my heart that needed/need mending and growth. I had to come to terms that I have a great struggle with negative thinking and lies towards myself. I realized that thinking these things, has given the negativity and lies power over my life because I do not battle them back with words of truth.
That was when The Lord told me that He is calling me to a place of abandonment this year. Yes, there is abandonment of material things like a closet full of clothes, a car to drive and having various alone time that will be difficult. However, He is calling me to is some greater form of abandonment. He is calling me to abandon the thoughts and feelings fear, doubt, lies, jealousy, etc. and instead seek Him for truth, comfort, joy, and love.
This trip is and will continue to be a challenge for me. However, if there is one thing I have learned in my life is that growing to be the person that God has called me to be is not always easy. It is, however, the most rewarding. So as I itch another bug bite and go back into a room filled with 25 + people, I am leaving with a smile because I can truly say “Yes, this trip is the thing that I was longing for.”
