I think I’ve really been writing this blog for the past few weeks, though it’s taken me a while to process the thoughts in my mind.
They say you can tell you’re in God’s will because Satan usually only bothers to attack those who are posing a threat. I suppose I can take comfort in that since he clearly isn’t cutting me much slack. I’ve faced doubts about my readiness for something so big, worry about my financial situation and my needs being met in time to leave, and I’ve encountered naysayers from the most unlikely places. I’ve been on my knees more in the last couple months than in the past 23 years. With all of this opposition, I’d almost be tempted to call it quits, take the easy way out. Except…
Except that this Race is not just about me anymore. Of course, my own personal growth through this time and the growth I’ll undoubtedly experience over those 11 months is already invaluable to me. But, worthy as those things are, they aren’t the reasons that help me withstand the pressures I’m facing or what solidifies my certainty that I’m completely in His will right now.
No, what really keeps me going is the knowledge that I am simply a tool. God is using this trip to not only reveal Himself to me, but also to those who have partnered with me, who support me, who are watching this journey unfold. He is showing my family that He is not limited by earthly things like money and deadlines. God is proving to my peers that He does call each of His children to live in obedience, no matter their age. He is giving my supporters a chance to be generous, to speak encouragement into my life. I am watching the effects of my place on the World Race trickle down into the most unlikely places. I am astounded by how small I feel in the midst of the bigger picture of how He’s working right now, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that insignificance.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by it all; the support raising, the planning, the tough conversations, the uncertainty, the excitement, the fear, the deadlines. But I’ve found that when I change my perspective, when I try to see His plan in all of this, it reminds me that I’m not in this alone.
And that’s worth sticking it out for.
