It hit me tonight as I stood before the mirror…I probably won’t straighten my hair again for the next 11 months.
Now, some of you may be thinking this was a rather mundane thought to be struck by just before leaving the country for a year. But I think it made me realize exactly what I’m giving up during this journey.
1. I’m giving up the notion that I have to have every hair in place. I don’t mean it quite that literally. I have never considered myself to be overly concerned with my appearance, but I’ve noticed over the past few weeks that I have to make a conscious effort to not care. I’ve realized how much I’ve begun to equate my physical appearance with how I think the world will perceive me. If I look like I’ve got it all under control then people will believe that I do. I am giving up culture’s idea of what “happiness” or “beauty” is. I am fully embracing the woman God created me to be. I am seeking out the beauty in that as He continues to show me the beauty within others.
2. I’m giving up on underestimating men. I’m through with categorizing the guys I meet into stereotypes. I no longer want to believe that they value looks over character. I have the pleasure of calling 10 amazing men “brothers” and I have seen firsthand their capacity for depth and compassion. I am choosing to allow them to be the new norm, to seek out those qualities in other men I meet, and to call out my Christian brothers when they are not living up to the standards Christ has set for them.
3. I’m giving up on stuff. Honestly, one of the things I am most looking forward to for the Race is the chance to leave everything behind. (I keep having strange daydreams about losing my pack and feeling oddly hopeful at the possibility…) I want to learn to be content with less, to find my joy in people and moments, not in the perfect pair of jeans or the latest gadget.
4. I’m giving up the old me. No, I’m not saying this out of self-loathing (I’m actually a little too fond of myself at times). But I signed up for the Race because I felt God calling me to something else, something greater. If I wanted to remain exactly as I am I would’ve chosen something a lot less scary and a lot less costly. I yearn to be changed, to be grown. I want to be broken and remade. I don’t want to come back in a year and be easily recognized. I want to be made new again.
5. I’m giving up on the God that I’ve created. Stay with me here – I know Who it is I pray to and Whose I am. But I have put the Creator of the Universe into a box for far too long. I have sought to make Him into something I can grasp, something that I can conceive. I’ve been robbing my Abba of the pleasure of awing me because I’ve been too busy trying to steer the ship on my own. He has taken hold of my heart and awoken me to the greatness that He has in store. I refuse to allow fear or pride to get in the way of His Spirit at work in and through me. I have been my own worst enemy for too long. He’s in control and I couldn’t feel more free.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”(Ephesians 3:20, 21 NIV)
