I came on the Race fully expecting God to show up in some miraculous ways. I’ve read countless blogs and stories of healings, of casting out demons, of stubborn hearts coming to know Christ. In fact, I created this blog series so I would have a place to share my own stories of the Holy Spirit doing things I’ve never seen and don’t understand. I yearned for Him to blow my mind, to tear my skepticism to shreds.
But we’re nearing the end of month 2 and I can’t help but feel a bit gypped.
There are other teams on my squad who have experienced the Holy Spirit in more tangible ways. They have cast out demons, prayed over hurting families and have seen the chains of past hurts been broken in their own lives. My team walks into a different village every single day, in full confidence of the Lord’s power and ability to move, and often end our prayer time feeling the weight of a list of problems with seemingly no end.
We’ve been left wondering if maybe our prayers aren’t genuine enough or perhaps our faith isn’t as strong as we think. Are we just going through the motions?
Amidst my own sighs of frustration and lists of questions, He’s been speaking into me a few thoughts I had never considered. I’ve been humbled by the reminder that His ways are far greater than mine and He knows my heart far better than I do.
Perhaps what I’ve believed to be skepticism for so many years is actually nothing more than my own blindness to the work He’s already doing. He hasn’t been keeping His miracles from me because I don’t have the faith to see them. He has been showing me His miraculous power since day 1. I’ve just been lost in my own ideas of what a miracle looks like. I’ve been blind to the work He is doing because I haven’t been paying attention.
We have heard stories of the result of our prayers in different villages. He has brought healing and redemption in our wake. But He has done it after we’ve left, so the glory may be His and not the glory of American Christians. He never promised to show us the fruit of our labor. He doesn’t ask us to serve Him so that we can feel good about ourselves when we are “successful.” We are called to serve Him out of love. That He does show us the fruit and the harvest is simply a testament to His own love and goodness.
I don’t believe God is withholding healing from these people simply to teach me a lesson, but I do believe He is working in such a way that forces me to take the blinders off. He is showing me in a million little moments of all of the wonders He has already made complete here in India. He is calling to mind the hundreds upon hundreds of ways in which my own life is already miraculous.
The very presence of the Holy Spirit in my life is a testament to His power and faithfulness. I don’t want to wait around for my idea of a miracle to understand that power. I want to live in the fullness of what has already been revealed to me.
I probably won’t change the name of this blog series, but I do know that He is changing my heart.
