It's been a pretty crazy semester. I've taken more hours than in the last 2 years and I completed my senior recital. Each and every semester has been filled with worry and with stress. I hit various points of feeling like I literally could not do anymore. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. I wasn't feeling alive.
Many days throughout this semester I woke up and immediately just would start crying. Crying from pure exhaustion, stress, and just always feeling overwhelmed. Each day that I found myself not being able to go further, I was able to go further. Here's the thing: it was not on my own strength. Shoot – I would have given up long ago. I hit a point where I finally realized that I could not do: this semester, these classes, and my senior recital without The Lord.
Those days I woke up crying I would just simply cry out to God: "Lord, I need your strength today. I cannot do this. I have no power or way to be able to do this. I cannot make it. I need Your strength today. I need Your breath. I need Your touch". Each day He was there. Each day He was present. Each day I realized more and more that I have no power to be able to do anything.
I lived through (and am finishing) this semester in pure exhaustion. My body is constantly tired, confused, ready for a real "rest". But each day I must continue, I must dig in, I must run with The Lord.
Earlier this semester I was sitting in my advisor's office and (of course) feeling overwhelmed, full on "ugly crying" in her office. She just reminded me: "I know this is stressful, believe me I know. But in the grand scheme of your life, this is a small part. A small, yet significant part. Remember how present The Lord always is and you must always rely on His strength. You cannot boast in anything but Him. And you do not even know how this is preparing you and how He is preparing you through this semester… even for The World Race".
It hit me: in less than 8 months I will be embarking on a crazy journey. A journey that will take me far outside my comfort zone. My body will constantly feel confused and exhausted from not being in America and from not being where it is comfortable. I will constantly be in different time zones. I will be traveling for long days, eating strange food, and being in places where I don't speak the language (It is exhausting to make sure you are actively/intensely listening in other cultures). I will be waking up exhausted, in tears, and wanting to give up. I will have to rely on The Lord's strength in the same way that I have had to all semester. I cannot "do" the World Race on my own strength. I can only do it with The Lord's and I can only do as He leads. He must increase and I must decrease, always (see John 3:30). I must constantly submit myself to Him and He continues to rise far above me. And as Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:
"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus". (verses 4-7 NLT)
What's really cool is that the words for "peace" and "guard" in the last sentence literally translate to like a military guard surrounding something. I did a word study on it a while back…
And the peace (wholeness) of God which surpasses (rises above) all (every kind of) understanding (of the mind, reason, intellect), will guard (keep watch like a military sentinel and actively display whatever means are necessary to guard) the hearts (inner life, mind, feelings, thoughts) of you, and the minds (soul and purpose) of you, in (on, among, with) Christ Jesus. – (verse 7)
This incredible peace of God's is a whole and complete peace. It is one that completely surrounds and guards our hearts – like a military guard! How cool is that? How beautiful is that?
God, remind me of your peace and goodness today. Surround my heart, soul, and mind like a military guard on watch. Continue to teach me how to love You and love others. Continue to teach me to trust You and to go wherever You may lead. Remind me to constantly remember what You have done and praise You for it. Teach me what it means to truly 'live in Christ Jesus'.
Here's to the journey,
-Lindsay
