Dear future squad and team mates: I’m a thinker. Yeah, that’s such a “buzz word” sometimes. But the truth is I think and I get lost in my own mind. When I’m up there long enough, I’ll start thinking through every angle, every situation, every side… you get the point.
So I’ve been doing so much thinking about this whole World Race thing. I’ve been having doubts. Is it worth it? Is it really a good source of time? Is it really the ‘best’? I don’t know. The truth is that I don’t know the answers to any of my own questions and thoughts.
I am doubting. I am really doubting. I think I’m finding myself starting to get comfortable here in Memphis, and I honestly do not want to leave. This city has been part of my life for barely 2.5 years, but there’s so much happening here. I have roots here. I don’t want to leave. It’s become home.
BUT I can’t let the comfortability and love for this place and the people here keep me from venturing forward to where the Lord is calling me. I hear myself starting to try and justify/compromise a reason to stay and not go. I find myself trying to argue with the calling. I find myself fighting. I knew this would happen. It always does. I get scared or whatever and I fight. I fight hard. I’m incredibly stubborn (ask any of my former roommates/good friends). This is why at the beginning of this whole process I asked a good friend to constantly push myself back into the reality of the calling. One day last week I was sitting in class and my friend (staying true to her vow to constantly remind me both in my confidence and doubt) sent this to me:
What made me laugh was throwing in number 2 in-between coffee and being loved. Sneaky.
“You’re going on the world race whether you like it or not”.
I think back on Isaiah 61 when I knew I was first called to go. I have to hold on to what I know the Lord has told me. I have to go. I have to go until he calls me to let go. I will keep moving forward. I will keep turning handles. I will just need that harsh push and reminder every now and then. I am thankful for friends who refuse to let me let fear, comfortability, and my own thoughts get in the way.
Here’s to the journey,
-Lindsay
