Dependency in the name of freedom: this is what I am calling this leg of my journey.
The real dependency thing started last month in Turkey with my 4 day fast. Four days may not be that long to some of you but being hypoglycemic I can’t remember the last time I was able to go 4 hours without food let alone 4 whole days! My body’s dependency on protein has dictated a lot of my life and thus far a lot of this trip. Every day takes extra planning, back-up planning and finding the right food in foreign countries can be near impossible. There have been a couple instances in the last few months when my blood sugar dipped so low that my body freaked out in a real way and from there anxiety took over and it became an ordeal. This reality made the idea of not eating for 4 whole days a little intimidating but I thought, ‘God created my body and He is certainly capable of taking care of me so why not’? Plus I knew the Lord didn’t want limits on what I am able to do this trip and in life and I knew I didn’t want my trip to be ruled by the fear of a blood sugar drop, so I stepped out in faith- in the name of victory and dependency! Needless to say, I didn’t die. I didn’t pass out, I didn’t even freak out. In fact I didn’t feel sick or get worried at all. The Lord faithfully sustained me because I depended fully on Him. And since then I haven’t felt a hypoglycemic symptom once.
Once we arrived in Israel I withdrew some money for the month and realized I was pretty much OUT of personal money. Of course this happens when I’m in the Holy Land where there are more sightseeing opportunities than any other country, and where everyday things are more expensive than anyone expected right?! But what a great opportunity to DEPEND on the Lord’s provision! And provide he has. It’s so amazing to see the way He comes through not just on what I need but in abundance. We spent a day in Jerusalem last week touring the city and seeing the Holy sites and I spent the LAST of my money on the return bus fare (we are staying in Arad, south of Jerusalem so we had to take a bus). ALL of the sights that day ended up being free admission. A couple days ago a group of people organized a tour of Galilee visiting the Jordan River, the church of Multiplication, the ruins of Capernaum, Nazareth and so on. I of course, was out of money so I was content not going. At the last minute there ended up being 3 extra seats on the bus and the total cost was the same whether full or not, so me and two others were able to go, free of charge. That day I ate a free lunch, was able to get into the Jordan River without the regular $10 fee, and I was even refunded the 1 shekel I had to pay to use the restroom along the away!!!
It continues.
God has asked us as a squad to observe a technology ban for the month of December. This includes phones, TVs, radios, IPods and computers (except for one blog per week) and as a result, no contact with friends and family. Is this cruel and crazy? No, it’s beautiful. God is calling us to abandon comforts and distractions so HE can be our EVERYTHING! This ban came at the perfect time! I love it. I just want more Jesus and less of everything I depend on before Him.
For the first half of this month my team is helping out a single mom with five children (whom she home schools) one of which is handicapped. She is an incredible woman and the kids are an absolute delight! This family has faced a number of challenges and just being around them is humbling to say the least. In the short time we have spent with them, God has used them to bless me and teach me more about Him and about dependency. Tirza, the mother of this family has expressed numerous times that she sees miracles EVERY day in the way God provides for them. She has come to the point of being so worry-free that when asked if she needs a car (which she doesn’t have and CLEARLY could use) she said “I don’t know if I need it. But if I do God will provide it.” She says she has stopped asking for what she needs because He knows— and what she needs is typically given to her before she even knows she needs it. She is in a place so far past the end of herself, that there is NO CHOICE but to totally rely on God for everything… and she’s free!
Being DEPENDENT is freedom, and it is counter-intuitive to our human nature so we fight it rather than resting in it. Independence is revered in the world but people still live enslaved to worry, fear and anxiety. They are not free!
While visiting the Church of Multiplication (representing the place where Jesus multiplied the bread and fish) I read a plaque on the wall that spoke to me profoundly and in perfect divine timing…
“Jesus, Love incarnate, is constrained to help whenever He sees His children to be in want. But He waits for empty hearts, for hands stretched out, wherein He may lay His gifts.”
God cannot totally blow our minds with His provision until we stop clinging to things, worries, and our own capabilities and totally depend on Him as our everything!
