Goodbyes suck, and when I say that I don’t mean it lightly. As my time in the Philippines comes to a close I am overwhelmed with sadness. The people I’ve met have made a lasting impact on my life. Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to a man named Art and his six kids at the Monday morning tent city feeding, if you know me at all you know I am obsessed with this little family, and you will also know that I am horrible at goodbyes. A little background on Art is that his wife works at a meat factory in a town far away so she is not able to come home and help him with the kids. He is a stay at home father, but is also trying his best to provide for them. His oldest daughter, Shane, (8) has to play mom, and to takes on so much responsibility. When I arrived at their little house yesterday I saw Art curled up in the corner on his bed to sick to get up. I was immediately filled with sadness. It was my last time to see him, and he was hurting. I tried to do anything I could to help, make formula for the babies, or comfort the others, but my heart was breaking. It came time to leave I went over, and through all the tears I was able to pray for his family. When I opened my eyes he was crying to; it’s funny how you can become so close to someone and not even be able to have a full conversation with them, but through love you are able to show how much you care.
The whole ride home I could not stop crying, and I began to wonder why I get so close to people. Why do I pour everything I have into others to the point that I take on their burdens and hurt when they hurt? In that moment, it didn’t feel worth it. Am I actually helping if in the end I leave and cause more pain? It feels like my heart is literally in multiple places at once, that hurts, and its hard. But I recently read a quote that said “You will never be at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” I came to the realization that although it kills me to leave this place and these people I know that that does not take away or lessen the impact that they made on my life. So why should I feel that it does that to them? Why should that stop me from loving whole heartedly and unconditionally, and not only that but to spread Kingdom and show others Christ.
