It was a mosquito-filled evening on a back porch in Morogoro, Tanzania, in mid-February when I am sitting down with Allison Johnston, Kyla Cornelius, and Kelly Chadwick. For two weeks I had been marinating in the decision on whether or not to leave the World Race. Let me be completely honest with you in the fact that I did not want to go at all. However, decisions I had made in the past, mainly in the vein of finances, left me with an almost non-existent relationship with one of my brothers. If I did not go back I stood a chance of loosing him forever, through no fault but my own.
Just one month before in Uganda I had to stay behind for five days of ministry in order to raise enough funds to stay on the race. Through God’s hand in less then a week, I was fully supported.
Now, I had to decide: stay or go.
After rejoicing in God’s provision for what he had done, a quick phone call from my father changed all that. My dad is a spirit-filled man and I believe strongly in the words the Lord gives him to speak. The one spoken to me that day was a harsh word, but one that I had to listen to.
I have never been more sure of a calling then I was to go on the World Race. I was walking where He had prepared the way. He had filled my support account, didn’t that mean I was suppose to stay?
I had been living in the books of Jeremiah and Ezekiel at the time. When a verse jumped out of the pages, penetrated my heart, and took up residence.
“I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.” Jeremiah 10:23 NIV
That night, I decided that I would return home and prayed whole heartedly that God would restore what I had broken. As I sat down with these wonderful women of the Lord, I was praying that they were going to correct my decision and tell me that I was suppose to stay. When it came to the question, “What have you decided?” My emotions colored my response that I was going to head home.
“I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.”
He has a plan. He has a purpose. One of the reasons, I joined The World Race, was to loose myself and gain more of Him. Here I was trying to justify my entitlements because they seemed holy and genuine to me. They were good things. I was wanting to stay to see more of Him, to witness the lost finding the Father, to see more eyes opened, to dance in the manifest presence of the Lord, and to fall before him in awe of His greatness.
It reminds me of the story of the man who tells Jesus that he must first go bury his father before he can join him.
A decision has to be made. When we are called into a new arena there are some things we may have to leave behind as we step out in obedience.
Two weeks after that, I am watching 49 racers head through the gates toward India. As I stand in a foreign airport alone, tired, and emotionally defeated, I hear these words yet again,
“I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.”
Father, I thank you for your provision. I thank you for your promise. I am part of a royal priesthood, a chosen generation. Whether my feet live on American soil, or on a dirt road in Africa one thing remains: YOU ARE GOD! Your goodness and love endure forever. Lord I gave my life to you. It is in your charge and not my own. May my plans not hinder my obedience to your call. Allow your love to continually saturate my heart and to soak into those people that you have placed in my life.
