As traffic begins its symphonic alarm tone, I am stirred awake.
The morning light is struggling to break through the smog infested Los Angeles sky. “What time is it”, I ask myself, only to have my curiosity silenced by my need for more sleep. I find no rest. With every bass line of a motorcycle and the horn section of the cars, my ears cannot ignore the music of the city. This is a rare occasion. The city usually soothes me. Her beat tenderly puts me to sleep like a children’s lullaby. Why now? Why does this station of my life that I have tuned into make me uncomfortable? Why is there no rest in the ordinary?
It is the silence that usually makes me uneasy. The vulnerability that silence evokes from me is frightening.
Now, I find myself searching for the mute button for the things around me, if only to have it work for a few seconds. I am searching for solitude. Peace. For a chance to hear my own heart beat, to make sure that I am still living and breathing. For an opportunity to hear that I am set apart for a greater concert. My own music is hard to hear over the soundtrack of an infected city.
The Conductor is calling me for private instruction. There are things about my instrument that I do not even know where to begin, or how to use it. I need time. Time to understand what He wants from me, and how He wants to use me in His orchestra. Time to realize that there are certain notes that I do not have the capacity to play, and that other instruments can make that part of the song sing more beautifully. Learning to accept that the notes I do get to play are just as important as the notes I don’t. Grasping the concept that just because two notes that are different, doesn’t mean they aren’t harmonious together. The Conductor tells me that even though I do not play in this song, does not mean I will go over looked. There is a whole concert to be played, and He needs me. More importantly I need Him. I need His direction so I don’t come into early or too late. My eyes are constantly on Him so I will know when it is my turn.
“I love the Lord because he hears and answers my prayers. Because he bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath!” Psalm 116:1-2 NLT
” The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth…He himself gives all men life and breath and everything else….God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though He is not far from each one of us. ‘For in Him we live, and move, and have our being’.” Acts 17:24-28 NIV
“God’s peace…is far more wonderful then the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest.” Philippians 4:7 TLB
