The days have passed quickly. Without even realizing it a month back stateside has come and gone. Like many things in life I have become easily distracted; distracted by normal, everyday things. I am distracted by trying to find a job, trying to pay bills, and trying to get around a city like Los Angeles on a Metro system that might as well be a horse and buggy.
My ego wants to tell each of you that re-entry to the states has been amazing. That I have come and set a wildfire to LA, like they are not use to seeing. However, my spirit knows better. Like any other fire that is lit you have to put the right things on it to maintain its strength and power so it doesn’t die out. If you put the wrong kind of materials, such as plastic, you get a bad smell. If you put a piece of damp wood you get smoke. I have been put things on my fire, but they have not been the things that I need to make my Spirit grow. I’ve thrown on things like: meeting with friends, volunteering for the church Easter play, looking for a job, and fretting over finances. Instead of meeting daily with my Friend, hungering for his presence, looking for His advice, and be grateful for the $20 that remains in my account. I have to remind myself of a blog that I posted a while ago about $20 and what it gets in the US and what it gets in Uganda. I am a rich woman with that money compared to a lot of the world. Then Satan comes in and reminds me that bills need to be paid and that I have no job or any prospects of a job, and I let those lies distract on detour me from what I actually need, which is more of our Savior.
On the field, it was easy to seek God every day. I have been referring to it as positive peer pressure. Everyone else is doing it and I actually get something out of it when I do it as well. I haul my bible with me here in the states. I open it on Sundays and maybe once or twice a week. There honestly is no excuse for not spending time with God, but I have tried to factor in a few. Looking for work has honestly become a full-time job in and of itself. It is a huge avenue where I am vulnerable at (in terms of jobs and finances) and Satan is taking complete advantage of my weakness. Instead putting on the armor of God, I am putting on the lies of Satan.
It is tough. I am the sheep that has gone astray while the 99 remain behind. At first, I didn’t even notice. I was just grazing for essentials like food, shelter, and didn’t realize I had drifted away. Then, when I noticed, I convinced myself that I could do it on my own (which is just my pride). Even as I write this Satan is mocking me with lies about how I can’t handle things away from “the pack”. About how I am weak and I am countering them with the truth that the Lord never leaves or forsakes me and how God is my refuge and my strength. My ever present help in times of trouble therefore, I will not fear. One of the things that I have taken for granted back here in the states is that it is a CONSTANT BATTLE. We let the normalcy of life distract us from being on the front lines. We see ourselves as hanging out and having a drink and talking with friends until we are actually needed. Guess what. We are needed. Every second of everyday your armor needs to be fully on and we need to be loaded up with the Spirit. We are always on the front line and we are always in battle. Don’t let “things” distract you.
I repent. I pick up my cross and I follow Him. Whatever the cost.
I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. NO TURNING BACK.
